Like a Chia Pet on Steroids

That’s how Mike describes my hair this week. Can you see?! Probably not, but it’s growing. It looks like my original color, but so far seems a lot thinner. This is really different from last summer, when I had a two-month break from chemo for surgery and my hair started growing back. Then, it was super thick, but looked really pale. So we’ll see what happens this time.

Just for fun, Mike joined my outdoor PhotoBooth shoot. We're on the deck of our little rental cottage.

In other news, did you notice the different background on my photos? We’re in San Diego this week, sandwiched between Mission Bay beach and the ocean beach. Sandwiched is the right word – they cram these beach houses close together! There’s about five feet between each cottage, and the streets barely fit two cars. We’re five houses from the bay and a couple blocks from the ocean. This is the off-season, so it’s really quiet, too.

Normally when we vacation, we try to do and see as much as possible. This trip is all about reconnecting after three intense years of school, and celebrating: I’ve graduated and finished chemo, and we just had our 17^th anniversary, and Mike’s birthday was yesterday. Our plan was to relax and see a few things, but we just couldn’t help ourselves, so we’ve been busy exploring San Diego all week.

All our “touristing” has shown me what a toll chemo took on my body. What a surprise! I knew my endurance was down, but, at random times, my strength and energy suddenly tank, and I feel like I’m walking through molasses. I’m ready to start building back up, but surgery is going to put that on hold for a while. Of course, I think I can use the treadmill while my upper body is healing. We’ll see how reality plays into that. :) Once I’m cleared, my oncologist recommended a program at the Y that was developed by the Livestrong Foundation. It’s designed for cancer survivors who need to regain strength after treatment.

This week has definitely given me more insight into how frustrating it might be to live with chronic limitations or just an aging body. When people visit, my inclination is to keep them busy and entertained, but maybe that’s not what everyone wants or needs. For me, these physical limitations cast a shadow over what we’re doing – wondering how much I can do and pushing myself further. My hope is that cancer has taught me to ask better questions and be more considerate of others.

But for now, we’re headed to Palm Springs tomorrow for a week of real relaxation. Warm sun, the pool, lots of books. And a few tourist explorations. But just a few!

Lynne Goldade, RN, Pirate

As promised last week, and since I don't have any more hair to show you yet, here is my pirate look.
The nice version:

 The silly version (I'm saying "ARRGH!" but I don't think it translates very well!):

While I wasn't working on my pirate persona this week, I took and passed my state nursing boards. Yippee!!! After a lot of work, I'm officially an RN!!!

I'm trying to cram three days of activities into one day today, because we're leaving on vacation tonight. So, in honor of my new status as an RN, I'm going to share with you part of the speech I gave at graduation. My classmates made me responsible for coming up with something inspiring as we launch into the world of nursing - not sure if they pawned a big responsibility off on me or paid me a huge compliment - I decided to take it as a compliment. ;) So here you go:

"Being a patient this year enhanced my education in many ways and taught me three things that we must remember as we become more comfortable in the medical world.

"The first thing is that knowledge really IS power. It gives patients the power to participate in their care, make good decisions, and to cope with a life-changing diagnosis. As a patient, it takes an incredible effort to concentrate on what the doctor or nurse is explaining. It is easy to let your mind wander while the doctor is tossing out complex medication names and describing physiological processes. Just because we said something clearly doesn’t mean our patients heard or understood it, so let’s make sure our patients truly understand what is happening to them by asking questions and reinforcing our teaching.

"The second thing I learned is that we should never underestimate the power of encouragement. Generously tell your patients “good job” or “I’m proud of you” or “you can do this.”  A couple months ago, I found out that my final cancer surgery isn’t going to be as quick and easy as I anticipated. This was devastating, because it means many more months before I can walk away from cancer. While I was processing this, Joy told me, “You can handle it.” Later, she apologized for being insensitive, but it was exactly what I needed to hear. She was telling me that I had the strength to make it through yet another challenge, and her reminder has stayed with me.

"Finally, the most important thing I learned as a patient is the power of counting your blessings. Even in the midst of cancer, or finals, or a stressful work environment, life is full of things to be grateful for, and focusing on those can radically affect your outlook. Each of you has been on my list of blessings at least once, and I have not thanked you enough for what you’ve done and how you’ve encouraged me. I know firsthand, as a patient and as a fellow student, that you are all going to be amazing nurses."

Stay warm!

On Not Growing Weary

Can you see how my hair has grown?! Probably not. Haha. But that pesky population of gray hairs has grown about 1/8” this week. We’re debating on buzzing it off, so things are neater when my “real” hair starts to grow back.

Now that I’m out of school, I’ve been working full time. Shocker, since I’ve only worked about 12 hours per month most of this year. That’s the minimum to keep my job. It’s been a shocker to everyone there, and to my poor body. After almost a year of chemo, a busy 12hr shift wears me out!

I work as a nursing assistant at the maternity center at our local hospital. I LOVE it, even though it’s pretty much the opposite of oncology, which is where my passion lies. While I’m at work, I cover my bald head with a scrub cap or a bandana. Seems like it would be distracting to be bald, maybe even upsetting to boldly bring cancer into a new baby’s room.

At work this week, I was doing something – vital signs? breastfeeding help? – in a patient room, and Big Brother, who was about 3 or 4 years old, woke up from a sound sleep. After assessing me for a few minutes, he leaned over to his dad and said, “Pirate!” I’m going to start wearing big hoops when I have a bandana on. J This is the second time this has happened to me, and both little boys really bought into the pirate image. It’s the best thing ever! Maybe that will be my picture next week, since there’s no action in the hair arena yet.

Even though things are quiet on top of my head, they are not quiet IN my head. It’s only been a couple weeks since I finished chemotherapy, but I’ve been thinking lots of thoughts about the possibility of recurrence. You’d think I’d have several weeks, maybe even a few months, before I shifted from rejoicing at being done with treatment to grappling with the potential of confronting cancer again, but no.

As my mind starts wrestling with this, one of those pictures-with-words-over-it popped up on my Facebook feed. The quote was from the Bible – Galatians 6:9, which says “Let us not lose heart in doing good, for in due time we will reap if we do not grow weary.” The context is about where we invest our time – in worldly, reward-me-now things, or in heavenly, lasting endeavors.

The picture was of a mom holding her baby. Probably one of the best examples of not growing weary! I have several friends, and now two sisters, who had at least two babies within a short time frame. They say those first few years are mostly a blur of diapers, feeding, naps, and laundry. Talk about needing encouragement to not grow weary! They are all champions in my book, especially because they also raised their babies to love God in the midst of all the messy high chairs and sleepless nights.

And then, as so often happens, a couple days later I found a similar message when I was reading one of my little devotional books. This time, it was in “Jesus Calling.” It said, “You may encounter obstacles as you move toward your goal, but don’t be discouraged – never give up! With My help, you can overcome any obstacle.”

I think this applies to SO many areas in our lives! Certainly we want to do more good things than we actually do, whether it’s physical, like eating healthier or exercising; or relational, like actually making plans instead of just talking about it; or spiritual, like memorizing scripture or practicing that virtue we struggle with – impatience, anyone? J I’m sure each of us has at least one thing that comes to mind when we read “do not grow weary in doing good.”

For me, I’m going to lean on God’s strength so I can resist growing weary in my fight against cancer. Now that the physical fight is almost over, the mental fight resumes. And I take on a different sort of physical fight – eating and exercising to prevent cancer. I’ll need to find new strategies for this mental phase… more about that as the weeks progress!

Grace and peace to you all.