On the Spot

Hooray! I'm on vacation this week and planning on a lot of reading and writing and walking in the snow - things I love and haven't done much of lately since life has been FULL of a new job (which I don't really like - boo!) and lots of doctor appointments (ugh).

Also in the works this week: a video of all my somewhat weekly hair photos from last year. So stay tuned for that silliness.

But tonight I want to share a little tidbit from my Bible study this year. I think I mentioned previously that I'm working my way through Beth Moore's study of Daniel. It's GREAT! And I absolutely love my discussion group.

If you're not familiar with the book of Daniel, it's buried about 2/3 of the way through the Old Testament, and it's the story of a Jewish nobleman who is taken captive after Babylon conquers Jerusalem. He's a teen at the time, and the book covers his lifetime in exile, ending when he's in his 80's. He's trained to be a part of the king's court, and excels because he's young, smart, handsome, and gifted by God with the ability to interpret dreams. And these kings dream some doosies! The book contains Bible classics like Daniel and the Lion's Den, and Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego (Daniel's friends) in the Fiery Furnace. He interprets dreams for the kings, telling of future empires and of a period of madness for one king. He also interprets when a hand (of God) appears out of nowhere and writes judgement on the wall during a king's drunken feast. Talk about sobering up quickly!

Anyway, occasionally my group leader will call me out specifically. Now that I think of it, it's usually when I'm sitting next to her. Note to self! :)

Last week, I don't remember the context, but when she called on me, I was struggling internally with hating my job, not wanting to start yet another chemo later that day, and being upset about unintentionally offending a friend. I did have something relevant to share, but the emotional undercurrent surprised even me!

I think her question was about how this study had changed us. I didn't give a very direct answer, but I shared what's been on my mind - and mostly kept my emotions under control!

In the segment we studied, Daniel was mourning because the Jews had finally been released to return to Jerusalem, but he was too old for the journey. He had to stay in Babylon. In addition, Passover was coming, and this reminder of freedom from exile was even more difficult as his people headed home.

However, I'm convinced that part of Daniel was OK with staying. During his time in Babylon, he had seen God do great things and use him mightily. His faith had grown like a sapling grows into a large, mature tree. I think part of him knew, while he would have loved to be elsewhere, that God had a purpose for him in Babylon and would use him effectively in that place. In other words, not the ideal situation in our earthly eyes, but ideal in the grander scheme of things.

This has been on my mind while I worked with my doctor to decide on the next phase of treatment. We've had several conversations (totaling about three hours!), mulling over options. Discussions like this mean the next steps aren't clear. We're essentially experimenting here. Finally, we've decided to try yet another form of chemo, which is (thankfully?) the last chemo drug that could be effective against my smart, adaptable cancer cells.

Trust me, no one wants to be here.

After over two years of cancer treatment, I want to be with my other cancer-surviving friends: transferred to surveillance, going months without visiting the cancer center.

However, like Daniel, I know God has me here for a reason. He's taken me through many, many other difficult times in the past, and I've seen the benefits and the blessings of going through those times. Because of that, I trust Him, even though there are other places I'd rather be. And because I trust Him, being in this difficult place really isn't too bad.

How about you? Whatever good or ease you are currently exiled from, have you thought about living well in the moment and resting in growing and being part of a bigger plan? I wish you peace and contentment, wherever you are.