Thank You?

Today I had an interview for my dream job. I think it went well. I've interviewed with them before - and been their patient and featured in their fundraising video. So it's a lower-key interview since they know my story and they called me to interview for this part-time opening.

But I'm second-guessing the interview: Was I too casual? Too confident? Too informative? Did they walk away thinking I was far enough removed from treatment and professional enough to use my experience therapeutically? Or not?

Now, I'm trying to write a thank you note.

My mom raised me to write a proper thank you note. Trouble is, as grateful and gracious as I strive to be, I am horrible about writing thank you notes. I try to be thankful in person or via email or text when someone does something for me or gives me a gift, knowing that the likelihood of me writing a thank you note later is about 0.5%.

But after an interview for my dream job, I think it would be a nice touch.

I got out my professional notecards and a couple index cards for practice, and I made a good start:

"Rosemary, Wilma [her name's Wilma, right? I'd better double check], and Mary,
"It was a pleasure to speak with you today about your open nursing position."

(What did the job posting call the position? The manager said nurse navigator, but I'm not sure that's what they called it in the interview...)

And then... writer's block. 

I just need two sentences. Something to charm them further, to show them I'm smart, insightful, even witty, and perfectly suited for their team. Some example of my fabulousness that we didn't cover in the interview to close the deal by convincing them of my undisputed suitability for this position. 

I could remind them that I'm an eager, ready-to-be-trained pup of a nurse: a blank slate to indoctrinate, without preconceived notions or other ways of doing things. Plus I have all that business experience: I can make things happen and guide persnickety execs and artists onto mutual ground, so stressed patients and grumpy doctors don't scare me. Not to mention my cancer survivor status, giving me a unique window into the patient experience that everyone says is so valuable... but I secretly wonder if that's actually a barrier.

Or I could tell them about what a great patient advocate I am. But that would require admitting to my somewhat ballsy middle-of-the-weekend-night emails to doctors and directors, passing along patient requests or providing gentle comment on the lamer aspects of new policies or botched patient communications. Emphasis on gentle because, of course, I was much more fired up when berating the issue with my co-workers earlier in the night.

There's also the possibility of highlighting my strengths as a team player. Which would require revealing that I potentially, albeit politely, step on my busy boss' toes by sending more middle-of-the-weekend-night emails to my fellow nurses, letting them know what I learned that day. [This is valid, I believe, because otherwise one of us learns something and no one else knows. I hoped others would follow my example, but, alas, no one else is sharing their nuggets of knowledge with the team. So we stumble along, making things up as we go.]

Alternately, there's my habit of using quiet night shift hours for helping the team by tying up loose ends. But this would uncover my best Minnesota passive aggressive tactics. For example, the other night I left an anonymous note asking "Whose pants are these?" on the yoga pants sitting on top of the shredder. [Since I'm the only one who uses writing to convey information, it's only semi-anonymous because I'm assuming they recognize my M.O. and my handwriting.] Undoubtedly these pants belong to a patient, since they include a forbidden drawstring (potential self-harm/suicide tool). But the underlying questions are, "Do we have ESP?? How is anyone supposed to know what's going on here?? How hard is it to put a patient label on the pants and maybe even put them in the closet [two doors down] where we store contraband belongings??"

Well, none of these ideas seemed suitable for my formal thank you note. Fortunately, we had dinner plans with friends tonight, one of whom is a very savvy businessman with lots of hiring experience.

I asked his advice, thinking he surely would provide a guiding light and practically write two inspired sentences for me.

But no.

He dismissed the thank you note, saying it would never influence his hiring decision. It might, he admitted, help someone stand out from the crowd, but that was it.

So much for my magic answer. And now I wonder... should I even bother? Is this a silly, antiquated tradition?

But these are nurses. Who communicate benign or malignant results to scared, anxious women. Who work in a small, tight team. So, however worthless, a handwritten note will probably say important things like "thoughtful" and "thorough" and "sweet." Which might make all the difference. If they haven't already made up their mind.

At least the negligible effectiveness of a thank you note takes some pressure off. I think this goes into the "It's the thought that counts" category.

Alright. As my clock speeds toward midnight, I'll give it one more try:

"Rosemary, Wilma [her name IS Wilma!], and Mary,
"It was a pleasure to speak with you today about your open nursing position. I would love to join your team and learn to provide essential support and education to women who are navigating a stressful diagnostic process. As I have participated in survivor groups, it has been a privilege to listen to women share their stories and to validate their experiences. The breadth of these stories creates a rich behind-the-scenes perspective that I believe will be an asset to your team and your patients. I look forward to hearing from you.
"Warm Regards,
"Lynne"

Too cheesy? Probably. These "Hire Me PLEASE" communications always feel like a bunch of BS to me - just a lot of schmoozing. But it's the acceptable way to say: I really, really want this position, you're gonna love me, please-please-please hire me right now because this schmoozy letter makes me sound irresistible. :)

Stay tuned - they said they'd make a decision "soon." Which could be big-corporation-speak for two months from now, even though I think their intention is the next couple weeks. When I find out, I'll be sure to let you know how effective my thank you note is.

Red Sea Rule #10 - And A Recap

We did it! 10 rules, 10 days... if only application were so easy!

To review, here are all 10 Red Sea Rules for navigating life's challenges:

#1: Realize that God means for you to be where you are.

#2: Be more concerned for God's glory than for your relief.

#3: Acknowledge your enemy, but keep your eyes on the Lord.

#4: Pray!

#5: Stay calm and confident, and give God time to work.

#6: When unsure, just take the next logical step by faith.

#7: Envision God's enveloping presence.

#8: Trust God to deliver in His own unique way.

#9: View your current crisis as a faith builder for the future.

And... DRUMROLL, please...

#10: Don't forget to praise Him.

Sometimes, I think this is the hardest one. When we are delivered out of our situation, sometimes it's gradual and we don't realize the difficulty is resolved until it's been awhile and it dawns on us that we're not struggling with that issue any more.

Other times, the problem is solved, we heave a sigh of relief and move on to the next thing - whether it's a new challenge or another shiny distraction our world offers.

I'm certainly guilty of this. Even with my last CT scan. There was so much tension and prayer and talk about the scan, and when I got my results - which my doctor delivered very nonchalantly - I don't feel like I gave proper praise to God. It's pretty awesome to get a clean scan, and for me, chances of a cure are so small that a clean scan is undoubtedly due to God's grace. You'd think I'd be doing spiritual cartwheels. On the inside I am awe-fully rejoicing, but as I look back, I find my outward expression lacking. Maybe it's the reserved Minnesota Scandinavian in me, maybe it's a cautious let's-see-what-the-next-scan-says, but this was a big deal and probably merited a spiritual parade with confetti and a marching band. And fireworks. Definitely fireworks.

BUT I don't think this rule is just about praising God after we're delivered from a trial.

It's even more important to praise Him DURING the trial. Sound impossible? One of my favorite songs for facing difficulty is "Broken Hallelujah" by Mandisa. She says, "When all that I can sing is a broken hallelujah, when my only offering is shattered praise, still a song of adoration will rise up from these ruins, and I will worship You and give You praise." What I love most about this is the idea that, when we can't form a coherent phrase because we're so stunned or so scared about what's going on, shards of praise are still acceptable. 

I do a lot of processing in my car. It's where I cry, where I lift my hands in praise, where I mentally wrestle through my problems. There have been times through this cancer journey when I couldn't even sing well-known song lyrics because I was too upset. Those are the times when I trust Mandisa's theology, and I open my hand as a symbol of giving the problem to God, even though I can't put any words together. 

Most days, though, I can put a LOT of words together. (As you can tell!) And finding things to be thankful for has been a life-saver for me. It changes my perspective for the better and helps me cope. We can go through our difficulties focused on the problem and how awful and hard it is, or we can keep our eyes peeled for silver linings, and be thankful for those. It could be as simple as sunshine, or as big as a friend calling at exactly the right time, or something you need showing up in the mail or on your doorstep. It's a skill: the more you look, the easier it is to find the blessings. Truth.

2+ years of cancer treatment has changed my perspective on difficulties. While I don't want anyone to have a hard time, I also hesitate to pray a bed of roses and a path of rainbows for everyone. Because we grow better when things are tough. Our roots go deeper and we become more resilient and more beautiful. So now I pray that when trials come, we will meet them graciously and rely on God to bring us through.

Remember the lesson from the fiery furnace I mentioned a few days ago? One of the coolest things about the story is that the guys who survived the fire didn't even smell like smoke. And we all know how easily smoke from a campfire permeates our clothes and hair. These guys got tossed into a raging furnace and not only were they not burned, but they didn't even SMELL like smoke. WOW. AND the only thing that burned: the ropes that bound them.

May you use these rules to come through your own challenges unbound and not even smelling like smoke. xoxo

Red Sea Rule #9

Rule #9: View your current crisis as a faith builder for the future.

Rule #9 means we're almost done! It also means my surgery/vacation is almost over - back to work on Friday night for me (sounds weird, yes, but that's the life of a nurse, and it's OK because I get to work with one of my favorite co-workers and I get the weekend night pay differential).

Unexpectedly, my husband has been off work this entire time, too. With the plague. So our semi-vacation has been a bit disappointing. Lots of couch time and Netflix-surfing, spiced up with a late night ER run to confirm that the plague is a virus, not anything needing serious treatment.

Anyway... can I confess that, while I love this book, 10 days seems like a long time, and today... right this moment, I haven't read past the title for this chapter yet? So we'll see what happens here, but I KNOW this rule is true! 

Why? Because I work with a group of high school girls at my church. And I used to tell them to think about what God has done in their lives - how He's come through for them in the past - and move forward based on that faith.

Trouble is, while God's definitely been at work in their lives, it's in subtle ways because they're kids in middle-to-upper class families, so they're sheltered from difficulty by their parents' provision and protection. Their faith will grow, but I had to realize that they might not have a lot of practical experience to base it on yet.

Their blank stares when I asked them what God had done for them lately might have been my first clue. :)

So now I tell them to watch for God to work in their lives, and that every time they trust Him (and often when they don't), He will come through for them, and their faith will grow. And I tell them how God got me through small things and big things: big things like feeling unwanted, not getting along with my mom, not getting along with my husband, not knowing how to make a career change I really needed, etc. And knowing that God took me through all those things, seeing Him work those difficulties into good results, and becoming a better person in the process: all that gave me confidence to trust Him with my cancer diagnosis and treatment. And He's been amazingly faithful through that, too.

OK - I'd better read about this rule...

Haha. The author likens trials to Gold's Gym. Or maybe we can say God's Gym... baha! Sorry. He says being caught between the Egyptians and the great Red Sea "beefed up" the Israelites' faith for greater challenges ahead of them. Does this mean I have a spiritual six-pack?? Awesome!

He also asks a great question: what is faith? He gives several definitions, and I think the best one is "making reasonable assumptions." And then he provides some examples of making reasonable assumptions, from having faith that there will be water when I turn on the shower, to having faith that the God who promises to be with me, and who promises He has a plan and a purpose for me, and who brought me through previous troubles - that He will get me through the next difficulty that pops up.

Here's the catch: in order to make reasonable assumptions about God - to build our faith in God - we have to know what He promises, and we have to be asking Him for help, and we have to be looking for Him to work in our circumstances. And isn't it easy, especially in our independence-cultivating culture, to overlook all of those things? But they're essential.

Whatever your current difficulty, make some reasonable assumptions and rely on God to get you through. And be encouraged that these spiritual burpees you're doing right now are strengthening your spiritual heart and muscles. Ready? Begin!

Red Sea Rule #8

Red Sea Rule #8: Trust God to deliver in His own unique way.

Morgan (the author) asks if God still does miracles, and answers positively, giving several examples. He goes on to say that, while miracles still happen, they are not common. Instead, "God helps His people in ordinary, providential ways rather than in supernatural ones." Aka, accidents, coincidences, etc.

For example, my choice of nursing school. I tried to contact several schools, but I was only successful at getting information from one of them. So that's where I went. I loved it, had an awesome nursing cohort, made some incredible friends, and was pleased to find out that my school had a great reputation with the hospitals in our area. And it was conveniently located near the hospital where I worked and got my cancer treatment, so I never had far to drive. Random chance? That's not how I interpret it.

Morgan goes on to say that God can deliver us from our difficulties in another way. Sometimes overt miracles, sometimes covert circumstances, sometimes in mysterious ways that we don't see or understand until later.

He quotes Vance Havner, "God marks across some of our days, 'Will explain later.'"

Last fall I did a Bible study on the book of Daniel. (He interpreted dreams, lived through a night in the lions' den, and his friends survived the fiery furnace.) One of the most impactful lessons was on the fiery furnace. Beth Moore, who wrote the study, said God always delivers His people, and posed three ways of deliverance from difficulty:

1) Deliverance from the "fire" - things change and you don't have to go through the difficult situation at all. This is the one we always pray for, but it's not the one that changes us into better people.

2) Deliverance through the "fire" - God takes you through the difficulty and teaches and refines you in the process. If you let Him. You could be changed for the bitter, too.

3) Deliverance by the "fire" - you don't make it through (as in, it kills you), but you are delivered into God's presence. Moore offers the lovely sentiment that these are people God can't wait to have in His presence. 

I just lost a friend to cancer. Mercifully, she was leading a pretty regular life until a few weeks ago, when they discovered the cancer had metastasized into her brain. When I saw her a week ago, she was mostly sleeping and not in any pain. While I'm sad that I don't get to enjoy her laughter and her snarky sense of humor any more, I'm thankful her final journey was quick and painless. And what a compliment to her and comfort to me to think that God didn't want to wait any longer to have her with Him. I love that her smile is lighting up heaven now.

A friend asked me today what I've learned from cancer. Where do I start? I could write a book! (Lots of people want me to, but I'm not so sure about that. It could be an American Idol audition thing: the people who love me think I'm fabulous, but is there any REAL talent there??? Haha.)

This is what I've started to learn that I don't want to lose: letting God set the course. This is infinitely challenging for my planning self, so I'm trying to put it into practice with my work life first. Here's the thing. I went into nursing school to be an oncology nurse. My path has been nothing like what I imagined. First of all, several years ago, I wouldn't have believed one word about me becoming a nurse. It's been a surprising and exciting journey. But now I'm working in an area that has no connection to oncology. The closest link is that I'm in the same building as my GYN surgeon. However, I'm not out there looking for a position in oncology. But you know what? I keep hearing about opportunities. Three in the last month, and today, another. This time, it's somewhere I've interviewed before, and they're asking me to come in again. This one would allow me to work both jobs (nurses do that), so I wouldn't have to leave my current job prematurely. Is this the one? I don't know, but I'm letting God deliver me out of oncology patient mode and into oncology nurse mode in His own unique way, in His unique time. 

I'll tell you this - it's a lot less stressful than doing it myself! :)

Red Sea Rule #7

Red Sea Rule #7: Envision God's enveloping presence.

Have you ever watched "The Ten Commandments"? I hadn't until about a year ago. My question then, as when I read the story of the Israelites crossing the Red Sea in the Bible, was how in the world a bunch of poor ex-slaves on foot beat a bunch of warriors in chariots pulled by horses. I mean, the chariots should have been built for speed and stability. The Israelites had children and old people and all their belongings in rickety carts.

So how in the world did all the Israelites make it across the Red Sea without any of the chariots catching up with at least the slowest ones?

In the movie, I wasn't sure they were going to make it! I was on the edge of my seat, doing everything I could to push the stragglers along.

Even if they started as soon as they saw a puff of dust on the desert horizon, it seems like the fastest horses would have caught them. But it seems like there was no anticipation of pursuit and lots of commotion in the camp before they got started across the sea.

Well, in my little book, the author points out something I've always overlooked: "The pillar of cloud moved from in front of the Israelites and stood behind them. It came between the camp of the Egyptians and the camp of Israel. Thus it was a cloud and darkness to one, and it gave light by night to the other" (Exodus 14:19-20). I know, I missed three entire sentences. Shoddy reading, that.

(If you're not familiar with the pillar, it was a symbol of God's presence with the Israelites. The corner stores were out of desert maps when they left Egypt, so God used the pillar to unify the Israelites and lead them to the Promised Land. It appeared as a cloud during the day and a fire at night, and was always in front of them. Except this time, when it was behind them, protecting them.)

So maybe ancient warfare included intimidation tactics, or just confidence, or maybe a gentlemen's agreement: we'll catch up with you, then we'll strike camp and rest up for the night, and in the morning, when we're fresh, we'll demolish you.

Maybe the pillar, which appeared like a cloud to the Egyptians, made their night seem longer, while appearing like firelight to the Israelites so they had the light they needed to traverse the parted sea.

I imagine the Egyptians were pretty miffed when the cloud cleared, they realized they'd overslept, and their slaves had gained some ground. I wonder if any of them were a little freaked out about the parted sea - you don't see that every day! Maybe they were so mad they just went full speed ahead.

Anyway - enough speculation. The point of this rule is that God's presence, in the form of the pillar, was both leading Israel and protecting it. The author of Red Sea Rules says, "For His children, He serves as both guard and guide. He both precedes us and protects us... the One who goes before, guiding the future, and the One who goes behind, [I LOVE this part] gathering up our debris, our failures, and our poor attempts at ministry, blessing us and leaving a blessing behind us for others."

In other words, He has a plan for us to follow, and when we mess it up, He can still work with us. We don't have to be perfect in our difficulties or our prosperity - in fact, I think our transparency about how God has redeemed our struggles and mistakes is WAY more powerful than when we do well. Wouldn't you rather hang out with the guy who says "I messed up, but God changed me and brought me to this new place" than with the person who says he's never messed up? Me, too. And I'd be skeptical about the "perfect" guy.

This idea of God's presence might bring up a point of difficulty for some. One of my saddest memories is visiting a long-time friend and listening to her cry because God never felt real or near to her. I don't have a magic formula for feeling God's presence. We don't get pillars of cloud and fire moving in front of our cars and resting in front of our homes. I KNOW that the Bible tells us very clearly that God is omnipresent - present everywhere. But we have so many distractions, and it takes intention and discipline to remember that He's always right beside us.

[Pet peeve of mine: the common Christian prayer asking God to go with us. An unnecessary request, since He's everywhere all the time, AND "lives in the heart" of every believer. We should be praying for an awareness of His constant presence. If you're not a Christian, this might sound like a creepy Big Brother, but it's more like having a constant source of joy, strength, wisdom, peace, etc. Very helpful when stepping through difficulty!]

Morgan, the author, offers four suggestions for increasing your awareness of God's presence:

1) Affirm His nearness. (And he includes several Bible verses, which include repetitions of my favorite "Do not be afraid" command.)

2) Visualize God's presence. (This provides both comfort and accountability - in case you're tempted to do something that will increase your difficulty... harder to do if you remember that God is right there.)

3) Access God's nearness with prayer. (As long as He's right there, talk to Him about what's going on. This is action-oriented, not feeling-oriented, so even if you can't FEEL His presence, you're still acting on the FACT that He's there. Soapbox: I think we base too much on feelings rather than facts, and get led astray by the ebb and flow of emotions, causing us more trouble than we need. Ever been there??)

4) Reflect His presence in your demeanor. (This sounds really fancy. The idea is: if God is right here, whatever I'm doing, whether it's changing diapers in yesterday's pjs or giving a TED talk to millions, it can be an act of service to God. In other words, "whatever you do, do your work wholeheartedly for the Lord" - Colossians 3:23.)

I hope you're enjoying these rules and finding encouragement in them. To be perfectly honest, I'm feeling preachy and like 10 days is overkill. And like you might benefit more and get through all of this faster by just reading the book. But I will finish, if for no other reason than to reinforce these ideas in my head. Hopefully it will also give you some nuggets to use as you navigate your own life challenges. Stay the course, friend! <3

Red Sea Rule #6

Red Sea Rule #6: When unsure, just take the next logical step by faith.

And this was on my Facebook feed today:

Kinda ties together yesterday's rule and today's, doesn't it?

I also have a magnet on my fridge that says "Sometimes your only available transportation is a leap of faith," which is another way to express this rule.

The jist of this rule is not to be tripped up by the big picture. You may not see the way out of your current difficulty, but you probably know what to do right now. God sees the big picture even when we can't, and I've found there's great freedom in letting Him take over and just focusing on today's needs.

The sub-titles for this rule are:
Day by day.
Step by step.
Moment by moment. 

The author gives an example of a woman who escaped a dangerous situation in one country by crossing the border into another country. Where she didn't have any contacts or even know the language. She had no idea how to get home, so she started with the basics: first finding food and shelter and then finding a way to reach people she knew. It took months to figure out how to get home, but she got there because she started taking action in smaller ways.

Years ago, my husband and I went through a long, dark period. I was determined we would make it through, but couldn't see how, especially on those days when I wished the floor would just swallow me up and take me out of the difficulties we were having. I can't say exactly how we got through, but we resolved to stay, to love, to fight fair as often as possible, to pray, and somehow, slowly but surely (step by step!) we found a way to enjoy each other again.

Of course, cancer - or any illness - is a day by day thing, too. Especially when you're not feeling well. One day or one moment at a time, and eventually you get through treatment. And the side effects heal. And all of a sudden, you notice that whatever gave you so much grief is gone.

I think this rule addresses uncertainty really well. And empowers us to take action. We might not be able to figure out the whole plan and see the ultimate solution, but we can take a step in the right direction. After all, a marathon is just a series of single steps, some harder and some easier, but you can only take one at a time.

And isn't that easier when you're in a difficult situation? You don't have to conquer the entire thing at once. Just tackle the moment in front of you. You know:

Just do it. 

Red Sea Rules #5

Right now, I'm in the middle of reading a science fiction trilogy by C.S. Lewis. You know, the Narnia guy, the one who wrote many Christian classics like Mere Christianity. Also the man who didn't read the news because, if anything was worthwhile, he knew his friends would inform him. I love this guy.

But the trilogy... I started the last book last night, and I need a break. The last two books had too many speeches and the print in this book was surprisingly small.

So I picked up one of my favorites. It's from the "stunt non-fiction" genre, a semi-memoir in which the author writes about a specific experience. For example, "Wild," the story of a woman who hiked the Pacific Coast Trail by herself, similar to "A Walk in the Woods," written by the hilarious Bill Bryson about his walk along the Appalachian trail. "The Happiness Project" is another favorite of mine. In this one, the author spends a year trying out new habits and practices to infuse her life with happiness. These are real life people trying unusual things and offering entertainment and insight.

My current choice is "A Year of Living Biblically" by A.J. Jacobs. He's a non-practicing Jew who decides to spend a year following all the laws in the Bible. Not all the rules all at once, because there are over 700, but following them all at some point during the year. There are parts that made me laugh out loud. And I learned a lot about the Bible, both silly rules and important insights into laws and Jewish history. It's a nice break from the sci fi trilogy.

Today, my recreational reading is relevant to our Red Sea Rules because one of Jacobs' advisors tells him a story about a Jewish midrash, which is "a story or legend that is not in the Bible proper, but which deals with Biblical events."

According to his advisor, the midrash about the Israelites at the Red Sea says "Moses lifted up his rod and the sea did not part. The Egyptians were closing in and the sea wasn't moving. So a Hebrew named Nachshon just walked into the water. He waded up to his ankles, then his knees, then his waist, then his shoulders. And right when the water was about to get up to his nostrils, the sea parted. The point is, sometimes miracles occur only when you jump in."

Here's Rule #5: Stay calm and confident, and give God time to work.

Isn't that what Nachshon did, walking into the water? Although maybe he was pushing the issue a little - letting the water get right up to his nostrils. Or maybe not, since our Christian tradition teaches that God is rarely early, but never late. Nachshon didn't NEED the waters parted until his nostrils were submerged, and the midrash doesn't indicate he was anything other than calm and confident.

This is my favorite rule so far. Did I say that yesterday? I could have. :)

But THIS rule: this one incorporates so many things that I've learned, that have enriched my life and my faith during these two years of cancer. 

First: Do not fear. This I love because it's the most common command in the Bible. The author of Red Sea Rules counted 149 occurrences. I've heard others say 365 - one for every day of the year. Regardless, a lot. And often accompanied by a reassurance that God is with us and on our side.

Not being afraid is a tall order when we're facing difficulty. As I mentioned yesterday, sometimes a three word prayer, usually "I trust You," was all I could fit in between my anxious thoughts. But repeatedly inserting that prayer in between my worries made a bigger and bigger hole in them, and eventually the tables turned to calm and confidence.

Second: this rule is based partly on Exodus 14:14, which I mentioned on an earlier day: "The Lord will fight for you, you need only be still." Still is not worried. Still is trusting. Still is, as the author says, leaving room for God to work.

And leaving room for God to work is one of my biggest cancer learnings... and something I'll have to keep revisiting for probably my whole life. You see, I'm a planner. I love to figure out how to get something done. In fact, I sometimes make a plan just to make a plan, and never execute it because I love the process of creating a solution.

So when cancer put a year between graduating from nursing school and being physically able to get a nursing job, I freaked out a little. A year gap reduced my marketability drastically. I had great contacts in the field I wanted to go into (cancer, aka oncology), and I had some good interviews, but they wanted me to have more distance between being treated and giving treatments.

Finally, I opened my hands and released the situation to God. He brought me down this path - both pursuing a nursing career and having cancer - and I decided to trust Him to bring me to the next phase of finding a job.

Well, the job I got was in a field I'd never considered. In fact, at first it was a disaster and I almost quit. But it was a job, and thankfully I enjoy it now. A couple months after I was hired, three different opportunities in oncology came along. THREE. I applied for them all and worked my contacts, even though the timing seemed all wrong. I'm still waiting to hear anything back, but I'm staying calm and confident that God has called me and prepared me for that specialty, and He will make it happen at the right time.

It's pretty sweet, actually, to let go of the pursuit and rest in God's timing. I'd like it to be now - I've certainly prayed a lot of impatient prayers - but there's peace in releasing control of this to God and giving Him time to work.

So if this rule seems unreachable - being calm and confident and letting go in the midst of difficulty - don't despair. It takes resolve: intentionally and repeatedly committing your situation to God. But I can vouch that it's possible. Don't forget rule #4: Pray. And stick with it.

Red Sea Rules #4

This one's short & sweet:

PRAY.

These can be long prayers. The author says, on two occasions, he was in prayer all night about crises in his life. Wow. When I was first diagnosed, there were LOTS of sleepless hours for me. But not entire nights. Still, somewhere along the way, I was taught to pray when I can't sleep. The theory is that the devil's happy when you're up worrying, but he hates it when we pray. So if we pray in those sleepless hours, he'll leave you alone and let you fall asleep so you'll stop praying. Not sure about the theology of that, but it's a good way to spend those sleepless hours.

We can also use short prayers. As simple as asking God to give you love when you have to deal with someone you don't like. Or wisdom. Or healing. I've prayed that one a lot in the past two years - I mean, sometimes there's nothing more to say than, "Please heal me." Often when things are really scary and stressful, a short prayer is all I can fit in between my anxious thoughts at first.

My husband and I use a version of the love prayer a lot when we're driving. Talk about trivial, short-lived, but intense challenges! Those Other Drivers can really be crazy. But here's our motto: Jesus loves the idiots, too. Yes, we're still being insulting. But we're also trying to cultivate a different perspective. And you know what? After several years of remembering that Jesus loves the idiots on the road, there's less road rage in our cars.

Whether our prayers are long or short, sincerity matters. In our Red Sea story, the Israelites "cried out to the Lord. Then they said to Moses [their leader], 'Because there were no graves in Egypt, have you taken us away to die the wilderness?'" This makes me giggle a little - they're so dramatic! And, like all of us, they quickly forgot how they'd been delivered from difficulty just days before. So if you mess up and don't get it right, keep resetting - the Bible is full of people who mess up and start again. And again. And again.

But the main point is that they cried to God for help. Even though they couldn't see how God could deliver them, they still prayed to Him for deliverance. When we're desperate and can't see our way out of our difficulty, we can focus on God.

Kind of like me, being just 5'2", following my brother, who's 6'4", out of a big crowd. He can see a way out that I could never see from my perspective. If I ask for help and follow his lead, I'll make it out.

Hey friends... it's HAMMER TIME! Remember his song Pray? 

"We've got to pray just to make it today." 

Here you go: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7xNSgBkum7o&feature=kp

You're welcome. ;)

Red Sea Rules #3

Rule #3: Acknowledge your enemy, but keep your eyes on the Lord.

Today, I learned that a house down the block caught fire last week. I was wondering what I could do for them, especially since I don't know them and, based on the damage to their house, they're not even there right now. I saw another neighbor tonight, and she had a flier that had been passed out with information to sign up and bring the family a meal. Problem solved!

But talk about difficulty. The flier said no one was hurt; they'd found out in time and got out with their three day old baby. THREE DAYS OLD. No other children were mentioned - can you imagine having a fire a day or two after coming home from the hospital with your very first precious bundle of joy? Can you imagine running downstairs three days after birthing that baby? And what about all the brand new, hope-filled baby gear and sweet little wardrobe? Or moving to a hotel for weeks with a newborn? My friends did that for a few days when they adopted their son, and to say it was a challenge would be a gross understatement.

Also on my mind today are two friends. One is a cancer survivor, waiting on the results of her latest CT scan. Another had a breast biopsy yesterday to confirm that a probably benign lump really is benign. For both of them, odds are good that everything is fine. But in the waiting, the possibility of bad news looms. These are strong Christian women, and I know they are resting in God's peace, but those "what if" thoughts are undoubtedly clamouring for attention anyway.

Today's Red Sea Rule is about Satan. Robert Morgan, the author, reminds us that Satan is involved in some way in most of our difficulties. It might be direct - like the story of Job in the Old Testament. Satan got permission from God to destroy everything Job had in an effort to get Job to deny God. It didn't work. 

Or it might be indirect. Ever heard the saying, "Don't go to bed angry"? It's from the Bible: Ephesians 4:26-27 says "Do not let the sun go down on your anger, and do not give the devil an opportunity." Because if you give him an opportunity, he'll gladly take it.

But today's Red Sea Rule is also about where we're looking. Satan might be stirring the pot, making things scary and threatening, but that's not where we should focus. 

Morgan, speaking of Pharoah chasing after the Israelites, says, "he was powerless to harm the Israelites as long as they remained under the protective cloud of God's glory and grace." Instead of focusing on our enemy and the difficulty, we are to be focusing on God, who has the power to deliver us through our difficulty.

This reminds me of one of my favorite Psalms, which conjures up images of protection during battle and confidence in victory. Enjoy!

Psalm 91

He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High

Will abide in the shadow of the Almighty.

I will say to the Lord, “My refuge and my fortress,

My God, in whom I trust!”

For it is He who delivers you from the snare of the trapper

And from the deadly pestilence.

He will cover you with His pinions,

And under His wings you may seek refuge;

His faithfulness is a shield and bulwark.

You will not be afraid of the terror by night,

Or of the arrow that flies by day;

Of the pestilence that stalks in darkness,

Or of the destruction that lays waste at noon.

A thousand may fall at your side

And ten thousand at your right hand,

But it shall not approach you.

You will only look on with your eyes

And see the recompense of the wicked.

For you have made the Lord, my refuge,

Even the Most High, your dwelling place.

No evil will befall you,

Nor will any plague come near your tent.

For He will give His angels charge concerning you,

To guard you in all your ways.

They will bear you up in their hands,

That you do not strike your foot against a stone.

You will tread upon the lion and cobra,

The young lion and the serpent you will trample down.

“Because he has loved Me, therefore I will deliver him;

I will set him securely on high, because he has known My name.

“He will call upon Me, and I will answer him;

I will be with him in trouble;

I will rescue him and honor him.

“With a long life I will satisfy him

And let him see My salvation.”

Red Sea Rules #2

I was thinking about "Red Sea Rules" this morning and reflecting on how our culture trains us to deal with difficulties. Or not deal with them. We assume that difficulties are exceptions - life gone wrong, temporarily off the rails, out of homeostasis. Our culture tells us that if we are living life correctly, it should be a bed of roses.

We are so spoiled, aren't we? In so many other countries, being alive is a constant struggle, and things we take for granted here are fleeting privileges or complete pipe dreams.

Our comparative riches cripple us because we are not prepared to accept difficulties. When things get tough, our reaction is to make it better - to get out as quickly as possible. Many addictions start because we haven't learned how to handle negative feelings, so we seek escape from our troubles.

I wish that, as a culture, we were better equipped to live through the tough stuff. Which is one of the reasons I love this book - and putting my hope in a loving God - so much.

Red Sea Rule #2: Be more concerned for God's glory than for your relief.

At face value, does that sound unrealistic? Honestly, it's a little scary for me to type and share with all of you, because I wonder if I'll lose you right off the bat.

Hang in there with me, OK?

Here's one thing I discovered during cancer treatment: serving others is good medicine. My worst days were the ones when I sat at home, thinking about how I was feeling. Am I nauseous? Where does my body ache? Do I have the strength to do that?

But when I had something to do - clinicals for nursing school, work, plans with friends - I felt better. Distraction is powerful medicine, and when the distraction involves serving others, it's empowering. I wasn't thinking about my troubles, but about relieving someone else's. I was thinking about achieving goals and investing in the happiness of others. I found that I DID have the strength to do what I needed to do - although on many occasions it was clearly God giving me the strength because I was weak. In an often unintentional way, my service was a way of glorifying God by focusing on others rather than myself.

For rule #2, Red Sea Rules talks about the questions we are asking, and suggests that we're asking the wrong questions. Instead of trying to find the fastest way out of our difficulty, maybe we should be looking for how God can be glorified through our challenge.

This reminds me of the one thing I know about the Westminster Catechism. Right now, I couldn't tell you much about the Westminster Catechism, other than it being a collection of teachings about the Christian faith that kids long ago had to memorize. (I even had to look up how to spell catechism.) If you want to know all about it, go to the source of all truth, Wikipedia (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Westminster_Shorter_Catechism).

Anyway, somewhere along the way, I heard this tidbit from the WC:

"The chief end of man is to glorify God and enjoy Him forever."

God created us to glorify Him AND enjoy Him forever. If I change my perspective on my suffering from finding a quick way out to relying on God to show me the way through, I come out on the other side changed for the better. Better character. Stronger faith. More compassion. Wider perspective. When I look for ways God can use my suffering for good, for His glory, I find purpose in my suffering and the way is easier.

I live in the Pacific Northwest, and people here love to hike in the mountains. They will trudge uphill for hours to reach amazing views of valleys and waterfalls and mountain lakes. What if we view our difficulties like that? Hard work, but offering great reward at the end, especially when we are working through the challenge with God right beside us.

I'll finish with two great quotes from this section of the book:

"God doesn't waste suffering." What a comfort!!! This cancer of mine - and whatever you're going through - isn't a waste! "If He leads us into impossible spots, He will deliver us in His own time, in His own way, and for His name's sake."

"He gives beauty for ashes and an attitude of worship for the spirit of heaviness... He will leave behind such blessings as make the burdens melt away like wax in the sunshine."

My hope for you today: patience and perspective, and the guts to look beyond the pain of your suffering for God's greater purpose. Or even that you'll find a few silver linings in the dark cloud that's hanging over you.

Red Sea Rules: #1

A couple years ago, when I was first diagnosed with cancer, one of my sisters sent me a little book called "Red Sea Rules." I devoured it, and always wanted to come back and savor it.

Since I just had surgery (reconstruction complete! Hooray!!!) and have 10 days off work, this is the perfect time to revisit and savor this little gem. 10 rules, 10 days, and time to breathe and write... so I'm going to share what I learn and love with you each day.

This is a book about dealing with difficult times. For me right now, it's cancer. For you, it could be anything: damaged relationships, unfulfilled dreams, illness or death of someone  you love, financial crisis, uncertain future... fill in the blank, we all have something. My hope is that sharing this will encourage and equip you to move courageously and successfully through your Red Sea.

(By the way, this is a book written for Jesus-loving Christians. HOWEVER, if you don't consider yourself in that category, please don't leave. I believe there's hope and encouragement here for you, too.)

The book's subtitle is "The same God who led you in will lead you out." If you grew up in Sunday school, you might have sang "God will make a way, when there seems no other way." That's what we're talking about.

In the forward, Robert Morgan, the author, describes the book as "a divine protocol for when we find ourselves between the devil and the deep Red Sea." Nice twist on an old saying. :)

First things first, though.

Are you familiar with the Red Sea story in the Bible? You can read it in Exodus 14, but I'll give you the Cliff's Notes.

Previous to this story, Israel had been enslaved by Egypt for 400 years. After 10 horrible plagues, the Egyptian Pharoah finally released the Israelites, who started their long journey back home. However, Pharoah quickly changed his mind - after all, who's going to build your pyramids once you let the work force go? 

Which brings us to our story: ex-slaves on foot, with an uncrossable Red Sea ahead and an army of Egyptian chariots behind. What to do, what to do?

You'd think the ex-slaves were doomed for more pyramid building. But no. God not only parts the Red Sea so they can walk through on DRY land (you'd expect it to be muddy, but ALL the water moved). He lets the waters go back after all the Israelites are safely on the other side AND the Egyptians are half-way across. In spite of living by the Nile, the Egyptians are not good swimmers. That's one way to defeat an army.

Whose side would you want to be on, right?!

By the way, one of my favorite "cancer verses" is from this story. Exodus 14:14 says "The Lord will fight for you, you need only be still." He led me in, He will lead me out. ...If I follow.

Alright. Here's rule #1:

Realize that God means for you to be where you are.

Morgan writes, "...when you are in a difficult place, realize that the Lord either placed you there or allowed you to be there, for reasons perhaps known for now only to Himself."

Is that hard to accept? Especially if you have a favorable view of God? The Bible calls Him our father, which makes me think of parents who allow their kids to get into tough situations in order to learn and grow and become better, more mature people. We can extend that to God allowing us to be in a difficult place for a purpose we might not be able to see.

This means my cancer was permitted by God. Not caused by God, but part of His big picture plan. Since I was in nursing school to become a cancer nurse when I was diagnosed, it was easier to see how this could be beneficial, albeit painful. And there have been thousands of other silver linings along the way, too. God's brought me through several other rotten things in life, so this might be easier for me to swallow than for other people. That's OK! Some of God's most favored people wrestled with Him.

Part of this rule includes a reminder of God's promise to never put us where His presence cannot sustain us. For me, cancer pushed me way beyond my own strength, resources, and boundaries. In serious ways and silly ways. An example of the silly is today's surgery. Never in my life did I envision having a plastic surgeon and fake boobs! In the more serious realm, wrestling with mortality has changed me dramatically. Not only how I spend my time, but how I view death and how I value life here vs life in heaven. I hope I share my love more freely now and hold this world more loosely. I would not have gotten to this place without cancer pushing me past my abilities and forcing me to rely on God to sustain and refine me.

Morgan does bring up consequences. Because sometimes - you know, just occasionally - we make our own trouble. He quotes J. I. Packer: "Our God is a God who not merely restores, but takes up our mistakes and follies into His plan for us and brings good out of them." In other words, if you trapped yourself between your own Red Sea and a formidable army, you aren't doomed. I absolutely love that God will redeem our mistakes and make something good out of our trash. Wow.

Take heart: whatever your particular Red Sea, there is good purpose in it, and God can sustain you through it.