Lynparza, my new cancer-killing drug, is treating me well. However, the Death Cold that found me two weeks ago is not. Quite the opposite, it kicked me to the curb and held me down, including keeping me in bed for the first day of our camping trip. And leading to an unprecedented and disproportionate meltdown a few days later. All I'll say is, that was UG-LY, but my friends were very gracious. Or possibly just stunned into fearful silence. But I'm almost over it (the Death Cold AND the embarrassment of the meltdown), and life is returning to normal.
I see my oncologist in a couple weeks and I think she'll order a CT scan for mid-September to see if this drug is working.
Please continue to pray that the LYNNEparza is effective!
Photo: Tonight's dose. My hope is that the cute bowl makes it more fun to take these pills. Not really working.
Second, and more importantly, my near-miss at fame:
Today in church they showed a video to inspire people to sign up to help with the middle and high school programs. I was supposed to be on the big screen, but the Death Cold's grip kept me home on the filming day.
The video was just fine without me and my eight years of leading a student "lifegroup" (a small group that meets weekly through the school year for Bible study, prayer, and building friendships).
BUT
I love teens and I love working with them, and I want to tell you what I would have said.
Because working with teens is exciting and YOU should think about it!
In preparation for the shoot, they gave us three questions:
1) What has brought you joy as you serve in student ministries?
I could do a feature-length film on this question!
It's everything from the ridiculous silliness that happens in the cabin during free time at camp to watching these young people own their faith and make important, even wise decisions about how they're going to live their lives.
It's watching my relationship with the girls change from child-adult into mentor into friend, and hearing the conversations change in content and depth.
It's the uncensored and often insightful questions that they ask.
It's getting into the messy problems with them, because there's growth and change as we walk through that together.
It's being surprised by gaining friendships with their parents as well as with the girls.
It's seeing younger co-leaders excel.
It's enjoying the girls laughing at me when I am curiously ignorant about their culture or when I freak out because they put their recently pulled out teeth in my hand.
Photo: True story: My hand. Their teeth. Ew!!!
2) How did you feel inadequate or ill-prepared to serve with students? How has God answered those fears?
Fear #1: Am I cool enough?
Answer: Probably not. And the older I get, the more definitely not. But I think cool is over-rated. Teens - like most people - just want you to be real and reliable and they want to be treated with respect. That I can do. What I love: God knows them and loves them and can make all the difference as they travel the rocky road from childhood to adulthood. It's a privilege to walk that path with them.
Fear #2: Am I wise enough?
Answer: Definitely not. But it's not about me or my abilities. I need to be prepared with prayer and study. I need to be honest, vulnerable, and growing myself, because whatever wisdom I have, whatever benefit I can offer, is all because God has changed and is changing me.
Have there been questions I can't answer? Absolutely! Which is a good thing - if I don't know everything, then it's OK for them not to know everything. We can learn how to find the answers together.
Have there been times when I've walked away thinking no one heard anything? More than I can count! Often guiding a discussion with teen girls is like herding squirrels. That's right - not cats, squirrels. It's a whole new level of chaos. But who knows? Those are the times I walk away saying, "God, my efforts seem completely fruitless tonight, so You're just going to have to work in spite of me." Because, seriously, I might say something wise now and then, but only God can open their hearts and minds and make the connections.
Also, I'm learning that the girls are really good at answering each others' questions. Which is pretty amazing to watch. And WAY more effective than an adult's answer.
Photo: Just keeping it real: You will feel like this sometimes.
Only by God's grace and strength can you keep it to yourself. Silence can be golden. Just like fire.
Fear #3: Am I prepared for everything?
Answer: No way.
The journey from childhood to adulthood is full of every kind of change. Plus we live in a world of infinite choices and opinions and rapid change. It's a messy and completely unpredictable combination.
Nobody can be prepared for that.
But you can be there and pray with them and ask God to teach and guide both you and the teens. And you will watch beautiful things happen. And those goofy youth pastors? Behind closed doors, when the kids aren't watching, they have a lot of wisdom and experience to share.
Basically, leading teens is a giant experiment. You just keep trying new things. Some bomb, some work well for awhile, occasionally you have a stroke of genius. But it is NEVER boring!
3) Tell at story about a student who has impacted you.
I was discussing this with my husband, trying to choose the best one. There are SO MANY stories.
One of my favorites happened the year I couldn't go to camp because I had a cancer-related surgery a couple weeks before camp. But I wanted to visit, so I took my thoroughly stapled belly on the ferry and went to camp for the afternoon. One of the girls came running up to me and she was SO excited to take me on a walk and tell me all about what she'd been learning that week, including giving her life to Christ and giving up a hurtful habit. My heart couldn't be more full - her love and joy were so beautiful.
But if I'd been at the filming, my chosen story wouldn't have been about one student, but about all of them AND their parents. (There I go, bending the rules again.)
When I was first diagnosed with cancer, my co-leaders and the moms and all the girls threw me a big encouragement party. While they were getting ready, two girls led me blindfolded through the church, up and down the elevator even, for (undoubtedly) HOURS.
Photo: This turned out to be a great trust exercise!
When everything was (finally) ready, I was guided to the room and found pink and teal treats galore and everyone in custom-designed shirts. So much thought had gone into the party and all the pieces of it. The best part was that each girl had chosen a charm to represent herself on a charm bracelet for me. We had to add some links and make a necklace to have room for all the charms!
Photo: Can you see the love?!
When I signed up to volunteer with youth, I expected to give. But I never expected to get so much out of it! The girls, the co-leaders, the parents, the growth, the laughter, and even the struggles are rich blessings. Even on the squirrel-iest days, I leave feeling filled and happier than when I came.
So... Just do it!
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