Stormy walk today. Windy, but rain free.
It's been a good couple weeks on the cancer front!
My blood counts continued to climb while I was off Lynparza. My oncologist talked to the ovarian cancer specialist downtown, who was unconcerned about the dramatic drop in my counts and recommended starting again at six pills (instead of the four my oncologist was thinking). I was going to lobby for starting at six and seeing how it went, but the expert saved me the effort. Yay!
(Why am I not seeing the expert downtown? Because she's a phone call away and because it's a lot easier to walk across my hospital on my lunch hour for a blood draw or an appointment. To see the expert, I'd have to take half a day to schlepp downtown in unpredictable traffic. And pay more, too.)
AND THEN - after a week of starting back on the Lynparza, my counts went UP! Another pleasant surprise, which I'm sure is due to all of your prayers. Especially the kids' prayers - I'm constantly humbled by the amount of people praying for me, but when I hear that the kids, many of whom are now young teens, are reminding their parents to pray for me DAILY - well, wow. I'm speechless. Words fail me in expressing what that means to me.
In Other News:
This week, I've been cultivating a prayer session for our cancer support group. We tried this last year and it went really well, so we're doing it again. But we wanted original material and I had no ideas, so I started by reviewing what we did last year.
Do you ever revisit something you did awhile ago, and not recognize it? When I dug this out, I didn't remember any of it, but I was pleasantly surprised!
And then I was intimidated about doing anything else! So I did what we all do when we're lacking ideas in this culture:
Search Pinterest and Google!
Uff da. There are a LOT of super cheesy and supremely lame results when you google things like "cancer prayers."
But I did find this gem, which I absolutely LOVE:
PC: https://upliftingquotesandscriptures.files.wordpress.com/2015/09/steady-my-heart.jpg
"Even when it hurts, even when it's hard, even when it all just falls apart, I will run to You cause I know You are lover of my soul and healer of my scars. You steady my heart."
Tonight I'll share with you what we did last year. It's written specifically for cancer, but it applies to all types of suffering, so I hope it will soothe the hurting parts in your soul, whatever you're going through right now.
(And, since this is my blog, please excuse me while I climb up on my soapbox for a minute: for some reason, our culture puts cancer up on a suffering pedestal. Now, some cancers are really, really awful. But in many cases there are way worse medical diagnoses. And in life, there are lots of non-medical heartbreaks and trials. So let's not put our energy into comparisons, but instead love and encourage each other through our respective challenges.)
All right - here you go.
The idea is to read each section, then personally reflect and pray on that topic. Modify it for your situation.
If you think it requires more trust and faith than you have, that's OK - one of my favorite things about Christianity is that God wants you now, right where you're at: broken, messy, imperfect, even mad or confused. He's strong enough to take it and wise enough to guide you from broken to mended. Doubt is OK. We just have to be real and genuinely seek answers.
Prayer Exercise:
Jesus taught us: “Ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you. For everyone who asks, receives; and he who seeks, finds; and to him who knocks, it will be opened.” Luke 11:9-10
Today, we open our hearts. We bring our hopes, our fears, our burdens. We entrust them to You and to each other. We accept Your invitation and your promise in Matthew 11:28 to “Come to Me, all who are weary and heavy laden, and I will give you rest.”
“Bear one another’s burdens, and thus fulfill the law of Christ.” Galatians 6:2
Topic #1: Father, we don’t want to waste our cancer. Please help us use this experience to boldly tell others about You, to live more intentionally, to love our people better. We want to leverage this trial to cultivate harmony and healing in our relationships. Teach us to focus on You rather than our struggles, and deepen our spiritual roots.
“Answer me, O Lord, answer me;
that this people may know that you, O Lord, are God.”
I Kings 18:37 (Elijah on Mt Carmel)
Topic #2: God, we know You will heal us, either here on earth, or in heaven. We ask you to heal us in a way that clearly glorifies You. And if we have to wait for healing, we ask You to bless us while we wait with Your peace that passes understanding. Help us gain an eternal perspective and anticipate heaven. We want to invest in things of lasting value and leave a meaningful legacy for the people we love.
“Beloved, I pray that in all respects you may prosper
and be in good health, just as your soul prospers.”
3 John 1:2
“I know that You can do all things,
and no purpose of Yours can be thwarted.” Job 42:2
Topic #3: Lord, we trust You, but cancer raises scary questions and difficult feelings. Please remind us of Your love and Your promises. Please comfort us when we are frightened. Please give us safe places and safe people with whom we can process these hard feelings. Please help us as we grieve for the things cancer takes from us. Grant us rest and relief from the physical challenges. Thank You for walking every step of these difficult times with us.
“The Lord is good, a stronghold in the day of trouble,
and He knows those who take refuge in Him.” Nahum 1:7
“You have taken account of my wanderings; put my tears in
Your bottle. Are they not in Your book?” Psalm 56:8
Topic #4: Father, as we live with cancer, we often find ourselves at the end of our rope. But You promise to supply all our needs. Please show us Your unfailing love and encourage us by providing what we need at exactly the right time. Give us strength, energy, and patience when we are weak. Fill our dark places with peace and joy. Give us what we need to fulfill our financial obligations. Provide wisdom and clarity to us, our doctors, and our people when we have important decisions to make.
“But as for me, I will watch expectantly for the Lord, I will wait
for the God of my salvation. My God will hear me.” Micah 7:7
Topic #5: God, we acknowledge that You are sovereign over everything, including our cancer. We declare our decision to trust You, regardless of our fears, disappointments, and other feelings. Please help us see Your purpose for our cancer and help us live in a way that glorifies You.
“The Lord will fight for you, you need only be still.” Exodus 14:14
Benediction:
“We thank our God always, making mention of you in our prayers, because we hear of your love and of the faith you have toward the Lord Jesus.” Philemon 1:4-5
“The Lord bless you and keep you. The Lord make His face shine upon you and be gracious to you. The Lord lift up His countenance upon you and give you peace.” Numbers 6:24-26
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