Going Back to Ground Zero

Hello, everyone!

Thank you for waiting. I know how hard it is to wait!

My CT scan was not what we’d hoped. Since March 30, the tumor has grown from 5.2cm to 9.3cm (about 3.5”) - close to double in size. So clearly the Avastin was not working.

However, there isn’t any other visible disease. This is REALLY unusual. Almost always, ovarian cancer comes back splattered all over the place. But once again (for the fourth time, actually), we have a single, well-defined tumor.

Which makes me a candidate for surgery! 

We love this option because we know surgery can remove the cancer. Right now, all the other options are in the “try it and see if it works” category, usually with 20-30% chance of keeping the cancer from progressing for a few months. So surgery sounds pretty awesome.

My surgeon says this will likely get me back to “ground zero,” where a CT scan won’t recognize any disease. To me, that translates into buying a lot more time.

There are some risks and complications. The tumor, which is in my left lower pelvis, is pressing on my iliac artery and my left ureter. Plus I’ve had radiation in that area, so the tissue is stiff and harder to work with than normal tissue. However, my surgeon is outstanding and has a team of other specialists on hand, so if anyone can do it well, it’s him. And then I’ll pull out my healing super powers and I believe we’ll have a good result.

Surgery is scheduled for Monday, July 10. (I have to wait at least a month after my last dose of Avastin before any surgery because it slows wound healing.) I’ll be downtown with my high-rise view, room service, and outstanding nursing staff, so if I have to be in the hospital for 3-5 days, this is the place to do it. Please be praying that the tumor maintains clean margins so it’s easy to remove.

After surgery, the tumor will go to the lab for more testing. Based on the testing and on what my surgeon sees during surgery, we’ll decide what to do after that. We expect he’ll see tiny cancer implants that are too small to show up on the CT - but it would be super awesome if he didn’t! Something else to pray about.

Emotionally and spiritually, we are doing well. I’ve been feeling really good for the past few weeks, but Mike said he was expecting bad news because he’s seen me struggle over the past few weeks. So who knows, but while we’re disappointed that the area has grown, we’re really excited that it can be removed. It’s a strange answer to prayer: still growing, but in a way that allows us to pursue an option that’s known to be effective.

In other news...

Last week I met my cousin and her family for brunch. They live about an hour away, but we don't see each other often. Busy lives and all - you know how time can slip away. Now they are moving a couple states away. I'm sad to lose my "local" family, but I am SO excited for their new adventure, and I think God has uniquely prepared them and given them an incredible vision for this venture. 

These are the kind of people you put on your calendar and think, "I am so privileged to get to hang out with THEM!" They love God, they're thoughtful and compassionate and smart and taking action to make this world a better place. 

I mention them because after brunch they gave me this little cross made from olive wood. It's so sweet in it's simplicity and as I keep finding it in my purse, I'm reminded of their love and care for me and God's love and care for each one of us. Maybe especially God's love and care for ME right now as I keep walking along this cancer-paved path.

That’s it for now. My parents arrive tomorrow for a six day visit. I think we’ll keep it pretty mellow at the beach cabin they rented… which sounds like heaven.

Thank you for your prayers and support!! We love you all.

CT Scan Monday

First, I’m having a routine CT scan on Monday morning. I’ll meet with my doctors on Tuesday and Wednesday to discuss the results and make a plan. So I’ll probably post results on Wednesday evening once we have everything sorted out.

Please pray for this scan! Of course, we’re hoping it will show no cancer, or less cancer than before. Or even the same amount as before. Anything but growth since the last scan. More than that, please pray for our peace of mind. These scans are, honestly, kinda terrifying, and so we do a lot of worrying and a lot of praying. It’s been an emotional year so far, and it would be really nice to have some good news now.

Overall, I’m feeling pretty good. I’m learning to pace myself. I feel like most of the effects from the other, harder medications have worked their way out of my system, and I’m finally feeling like I thought I would when we cut out everything except the Avastin. Which is pretty fantastic compared to how I’ve felt since last fall. 

Some days, like today, I get up and my body just says, “NOPE. I got nothing for you.” Sometimes I have to push through, but today I skipped church and did a lot of nothing all morning. Thankfully, that earned me renewed energy for the rest of the day. Good thing, because I had my "student life group" over this evening and I had a lot to do to get ready for them. A wonderful friend came and vacuumed for me, Mike mowed, and I washed and walked the dogs. And made guacamole with cilantro from my little container garden! (I feel so earthy!)

One of my highlights since the last time I posted involved s’mores. It happened like this…

There are a few families who have been part of my central support throughout my cancer treatment. They are part of my “Life Group” from church (it’s a big church, so they encourage small groups as a way to build community and not get lost in the sea of people). Three of the families had kids in elementary school when I was initially diagnosed, and those kids have prayed for me pretty much every night since then. Now the kids are in middle school and high school. I’m close to some of them, but the middle school boys… often it’s a little awkward to make eye contact, much less conversation, you know?

Recently, their moms and I had a rare gathering without kids or husbands. I told the moms I wanted to thank the kids, but I wasn’t sure how to do it. How do you say thanks for such an enormous gift? 

One of the moms suggested s’mores at her house, and our plan was hatched.

Of course, two days before our s’mores date, I decided I needed to give them something, but had no idea what, especially on a limited budget. I think a week at Disney would be an equitable thanks for all their prayers, but I can’t even send myself to Disney right now, so that was off the table.

After some casting about, I made these little prayer boxes. I tucked some cards inside: how they can pray for me, how I am praying for them. And I gave them a homemade thank you card, which I thought turned out particularly well!

The card says, "When I pray, You answer me. You encourage me by giving me the strength I need." 

Psalm 138:3

Even the opportunity to talk to the kids happened pretty organically. There was a moment when most of the kids were around the fire, so I kicked the adults out, gave my little thank you speech (including that Disney was my first choice, but alas), and handed out my meager-but-heart-felt gifts. It was short and sweet, and after a brief awkward transition moment, we were roasting s’mores again and laughing about weird things at school.

I told them I don’t think there’s any theology for this, but it seems like the prayers of children would have a special impact on God’s heart, and I’m so grateful for their faithfulness. It encourages my heart abundantly.

That’s it - until Wednesday evening. Thank you for standing with me in this!