Your Hair is Getting So LONG!

This is what Mike has been saying all week. :) Can you see anything yet? It’s kind of hard to capture in a photo, but my hair, albeit very thin, really is noticeably longer every day. And I have stubbly eyelashes! No brows yet – except for one brow hair that grew ½” long overnight. You’ve had those weird hairs that appear out of nowhere, right? They just have to go, even if you’re cheering on every little millimeter of growth.

So today Mike and I are sitting in the Cancer Survivor’s Park in Palm Springs. There was one in San Diego, too, but we didn’t stop. We’re on a high perch – it’s not really a bench, but the only bench in the park was occupied by someone taking an early morning nap… The park is a very neat idea, and, after months of physically fighting cancer, it’s nice to take a moment and celebrate surviving.

I think I shared that within a week of finishing chemotherapy, I started wondering about recurrence. Wondering, worrying… so I bought a book. It talks about living in cancer’s shadow and it’s written by a Christian woman, so the content and values were exactly what I needed. By the way, I think she has the coolest job in the world – she gets paid to provide moral support to cancer patients! Maybe someday.

The book was an enormous help. It has lots of stories of how real people deal with surviving cancer. And she says “survival,” according to the American Cancer Society or some other high profile, trustworthy source, applies to anyone who is alive after a cancer diagnosis, whether it’s five days, five years, or fifty years. I like that definition a lot, because I sure don’t want to wait five years to say I’ve survived!

The story that helped me the most was about a gentleman with a terminal diagnosis. He wasn’t supposed to live long, but, before he knew he couldn’t be cured, he was planning on campaigning for an office. He decided to run in spite of his diagnosis. He was elected, and he survived many years after that. The story reminded me of my cancer treatment strategy (I called it Cancer Defiance): I planned to continue with life as planned. School and my teens at church would be my priorities, and I’d include whatever else I could, and only scale back if I needed to. This gentleman reminded me that I should have the same strategy for life after cancer. I’m going to concentrate on life, and living it more fully, based on what I’ve learned through cancer, and trust God with the rest. He knows if and when my cancer will return, and, if it does, He will give me the strength to deal with it – just like He gave me what I needed to get through all the past difficulties in my life.

Tomorrow we head back home: back to real life, including surgery and recovery. But first, we’ll spend a couple days with some of our favorite Canadians, making chili and watching football. Maybe this will finally be the year I win the pool!

Grace and peace to all of you.

Like a Chia Pet on Steroids

That’s how Mike describes my hair this week. Can you see?! Probably not, but it’s growing. It looks like my original color, but so far seems a lot thinner. This is really different from last summer, when I had a two-month break from chemo for surgery and my hair started growing back. Then, it was super thick, but looked really pale. So we’ll see what happens this time.

Just for fun, Mike joined my outdoor PhotoBooth shoot. We're on the deck of our little rental cottage.

In other news, did you notice the different background on my photos? We’re in San Diego this week, sandwiched between Mission Bay beach and the ocean beach. Sandwiched is the right word – they cram these beach houses close together! There’s about five feet between each cottage, and the streets barely fit two cars. We’re five houses from the bay and a couple blocks from the ocean. This is the off-season, so it’s really quiet, too.

Normally when we vacation, we try to do and see as much as possible. This trip is all about reconnecting after three intense years of school, and celebrating: I’ve graduated and finished chemo, and we just had our 17^th anniversary, and Mike’s birthday was yesterday. Our plan was to relax and see a few things, but we just couldn’t help ourselves, so we’ve been busy exploring San Diego all week.

All our “touristing” has shown me what a toll chemo took on my body. What a surprise! I knew my endurance was down, but, at random times, my strength and energy suddenly tank, and I feel like I’m walking through molasses. I’m ready to start building back up, but surgery is going to put that on hold for a while. Of course, I think I can use the treadmill while my upper body is healing. We’ll see how reality plays into that. :) Once I’m cleared, my oncologist recommended a program at the Y that was developed by the Livestrong Foundation. It’s designed for cancer survivors who need to regain strength after treatment.

This week has definitely given me more insight into how frustrating it might be to live with chronic limitations or just an aging body. When people visit, my inclination is to keep them busy and entertained, but maybe that’s not what everyone wants or needs. For me, these physical limitations cast a shadow over what we’re doing – wondering how much I can do and pushing myself further. My hope is that cancer has taught me to ask better questions and be more considerate of others.

But for now, we’re headed to Palm Springs tomorrow for a week of real relaxation. Warm sun, the pool, lots of books. And a few tourist explorations. But just a few!