Kitchen Experiments and Other Thanksgiving News

Here's my current shaggy hair disguise. :) The bangs are fun!

(This was taken at my chemo appointment this week. Mike started taking a picture of me at each treatment, and I try to remember when he doesn't come along.)

I hope everyone had a wonderful Thanksgiving!

Wouldn't I be a negligent blogger if I didn't document my holiday efforts in the kitchen?! I wasn't planning to post any of my clumsy efforts, but then all these friends started posting pictures of well-crafted pies on Facebook. My approach to the kitchen is a lot more rustic, so I "threw down" and told my CookingCanBeBeautiful (bragging) friends that I'd be posting a picture of my messy-but-delicious green bean casserole.

Which turned out extra delicious this year, I must say.

You see, it's never the same twice. I am not a very good recipe follower. If I don't have an ingredient, I'll make a substitute - running 0.75 miles to the grocery store just takes WAY too long. And if I have an extra ingredient that sounds like it might help, I toss that in, too. 

This approach hasn't always been successful, but hours of FoodNetwork TV has helped my food strategy immensely, and now most of my alterations and experiments turn out alright.

So here's the infamous green bean casserole:

I also roasted some veg - my absolute favorite way to eat veggies! However, I was running a little short on time and didn't leave them in long enough. They were good, but could have been better.

Yes, those are grapes with the cauliflower. And capers. Weird, right?! But the magazine picture was pretty, so I tried it. The grapes caramelize into this crunchy, sweet mess and the whole thing tastes delicious.

(If you haven't roasted veg, try it - it's SO easy! Just toss your favorite with olive oil and sea salt, spread out on a cookie tray and bake at 450-ish. Cooking time varies by size and density of your veg - but start with 15 min and just watch them till the edges turn brown.)

I also made this savory monkey bread. Different pieces of dough were rolled in herbs, cheese, garlic, or nuts. Fun and easy, just like I like it.

My last kitchen brag: cranberry relish. This is probably my favorite - just cranberries, apples, oranges, and pineapple chopped to bits with a little sugar to combat the cranberries. It sits overnight so the flavors can marry. It's so fresh and lovely, and I can eat it like candy.

For breakfast, we blended some up with vanilla yogurt for a smoothie. Mike thought it was too sour, so he had me nervous about the relish, but I concluded, after some deliberation, that he was expecting a smoothie to be a lot sweeter. :)

Since creative activities are WAY more in my wheelhouse than cooking and baking, this is my favorite Thanksgiving project:

It's a thankfulness turkey! We all wrote things we are thankful for on the back of the feathers, and used a toothpick (and some tape) to stick the feather into a foam ball that stood for the turkey's body. Isn't it cute?! 

(The body was supposed to be brown, but I ran out of spray ink, so he ended up being Disco Turkey with a glittery silver body. Fancy pants!)

Later, we plucked the turkey, taking turns reading the feathers and guessing who wrote each one. It turned out to be a really fun activity.

From me and mine to you and yours, Happy Thanksgiving, and may you see all your blessings this holiday season.

Counting Cancer

Sorry, I have no hair photo for you this week. Mostly because I keep forgetting, but I'm thankful for that forgetfulness because I am WAY overdue for a haircut. And I'm feeling like the Shaggy D.A. But the longer I wait, the fresher my cut will be when I visit my family for Christmas, so I've been wearing hats and wide headbands lately to disguise the overgrowth.

I am seriously considering keeping my hair short. It's fun and easy and I can show off all my earring collection. But I miss the long hair. Today one of my teens posted pics of her new 'do - she went from looooong hair to a jaw-length cut that can be straight and funky or soft and curly. So versatile, so adorable. I want to be just like her! Well, I want her hairdo. And she has killer taste in books.

Last summer I borrowed the Hunger Games series from her. And now I'm super excited to see Catching Fire. I have to confess to having a girl crush on Katniss Everdeen. I mean, come on, who doesn't love a warrior huntress with great hair, a smart head, a warm heart, and dresses that burst into flames?! What a list of credentials! After the Hunger Games series is done, maybe Katniss can become a scientist and do battle in the Cancer Games. 

At camp this summer, our speaker read Philippians 3:4-7 during one of his messages. This was written by the apostle Paul, who wrote a huge part of the New Testament. Here, he is listing all his credentials for being a superior Jew. And explaining that his superior qualifications have no value in comparison to knowing God. Here's the passage:

"...although I myself might have confidence even in the flesh. If anyone else has a mind to put confidence in the flesh, I far more: circumcised the eighth day, of the nation of Israel, of the tribe of Benjamin, a Hebrew of Hebrews; as to the Law, a Pharisee; as to zeal, a persecutor of the church; as to the righteousness which is in the Law, found blameless. But whatever things were gain to me, those things I have counted as loss for the sake of Christ."

I was paying attention to the message - I even took excellent notes. I promise! But I was also recovering from lots of radiation, and my nether regions were UNHAPPY. So cancer was very much on my mind, and my thoughts wandered a little.

Paul's impressive list of credentials inspired me to count up my cancer experience. Not to brag or complain or get sympathy, but just to catalog my "cancer credentials." And maybe to justify to myself why it's OK that my body poops out on me too rapidly these days.

I just snapped out of a week or so of feeling tired/frustrated/irritated with my limitations. I know it's normal to feel those feelings, and I think it's important to sit with the bad feelings for awhile and work through them. But I'm much happier in the peaceful/grateful/contented space I usually occupy. My cancer defiance strategy works really well, but lately my body hasn't been supporting that plan. I suppose chinks in my armor are inevitable after almost two years. But I don't like it.

During my recent funk, I told God - and my doctor - that I thought I'd built up enough empathy for my future patients. Alright, already! And sometimes too many "credentials" yields a lack of empathy. (Honest in-my-head response to a complaint in my online reconstruction support group: "You had your expanders in for eight months? Honey, I'm going to at least double that." Including the "honey," which I never use, not even in my head.)

So, in no particular order, to remind myself why I'm tired and why my empathy sometimes lags - and why I'll be an awesome oncology nurse someday - here's what I've encountered along my cancer pathway:

7 doctors

2 physical therapists

1 genetic test

2 ports (central lines)

4 mammograms

4 MRIs

4 ultrasounds

6 CT scans (that's 12 "milkshakes")

3 biopsies

1 DEXA (bone density scan)

22 chemo infusion days (and counting)

5 surgeries (including about 40 staples - total - and approximately 18" of scars)

15 overnights in the hospital

32 daily radiation treatments

3 brachytherapy (specialized, intensive radiation) treatments

6 expander fills (part of the reconstruction process)

2 videos (and one little black dress)

111 CarePages updates (and 892 messages!!!)

48 blog posts

countless fantastic nurses (and one grump)

about a million appointments

lots of new friends and improved relationships

As I get ready to dust off my Christmas playlists, it seems like there should be a riff on The 12 Days of Christmas based on my list. Something like "Five Sur-Ger-Eeees! ... Four MRIs, Three biopsies, Two central lines, and a mutation in-nnn her genes."

Random Facts

There's a Facebook "game" going on now. You get a number from a friend and post that many of random facts about yourself. How do you get that number? You "like" your friend's list. 

I probably over-like things on Facebook. It's my way of saying, "I hear you. I appreciate your thought. But I don't have a response that's interesting enough for a comment."

I had fun reading my friend's list. So I forgot the rules/consequences in this case, and hit "like." I was repaid with the number ELEVEN! That's the first time I've seen double digits in this game.

AND THEN another friend played the game and I forgot the rules AGAIN and liked her list. She gave me an 8. Whoa. 11 + 8 = 19 random tidbits. 

While I was doing my pre-reqs for nursing, I was able to take three classes from one of my favorite profs. The only drawback was her universal first assignment: a paper on plaigerism and academic integrity. She was somewhat militant about it. The most interesting thing I learned: using your own work for more than one assignment breaks the rules.

However, since this isn't school, I'm going to make my list of eight things, and then add on three more for a grand TOTAL of eleven. Coming off daily blogging in October, doing more than that seems like an unreasonably excessive dose of me. :)

So here are my eleven little-known tidbits:

1. I hold back my overwhelming enthusiasm about being an aunt. I'd like to show everyone whatever latest adorable photo or video I've received of these little cuties, and plaster the photos everywhere. If it's a video, I watch it six or seven times in a row. And I think you should, too. But I know a baby is just a baby to a stranger, so I try not to be obnoxious.

2. I love to mow the lawn.

3. I still miss the first house I lived in. A dead end street, my best friend across the street, walking a mile to school, white picket fence, detached garage, and a super cool, pine paneled attic bedroom. I even think being under the airline pathway was pretty neat.

4. My hair is thinning! I hope it's the current chemo (temporary) and not a permanent effect from the last chemo regimen.

5. Until I started pursuing my nursing degree, I had a bad case of wanderlust. I loved any story about leaving "normal" life behind and going on a crazy adventure. Think "Eat, Pray, Love" and "House Hunters International." Now, I still like those stories, but I don't have the desire for a big change anymore.

6. I owned a horse for a couple years. I'm sad because she flogged the horse-craziness out of me. I still appreciate horses, but I have zero fantasies about owning one again. Way too much work. But maybe I'll take riding lessons someday.

7. In college, I spent a lot of time in the yearbook darkroom. Singing Janet Jackson at the top of my lungs. Believing, incorrectly I'm sure, that the room was soundproof!

8. In college, I was almost NOT the student association vice president. I started as secretary (campaigning was a ton of fun, something that pleasantly surprised me), and second semester we had to juggle things around because, due to some low grades (you know, activities over studies), we lost our president. The guys on the council didn't want a girl to be VP, just in case the new pres had to step down - they didn't think a female pres was appropriate.

9. I'm a manicure snob. And I prefer to do it myself.

10. The only carnival game I have any skill with is the shooting game. Consequently, I whooped my husband once, and now he calls me Annie Oakley. We haven't faced off since.

11. I've lost 30 lbs in the last two years!

There you go - now you know "all" my secrets. Or I'd like you to think so. ;)

*BOO!* I Have Cancer!

This fall, I've been participating in a cancer recovery program at my local YMCA. Twice a week, I meet with other cancer survivors. Theoretically, we spend half an hour talking like a support group, then spend an hour on cardio and strength training.

Sometimes our group is more "talkee," less "workee." My main goal in the program is physical improvement, but on days like today, when I really just wanted to stay in bed or on the couch watching the Food Network, I was all in on the long conversation and the short workout. :)

(I did walk home from the Y and walk my dog, so I did do my 30+ minutes today.)

Today's topic was the "new normal" after cancer: what was it like, did we accept it, did we fight against it.

This is a group of women. Naturally, we didn't stay on topic. Well, eventually we answered the question. I think.

But one of our rabbit trails has stuck in my mind today. Several women commented on lost friendships. People who were close to them, but didn't know how to handle a friend with cancer, so they just disappeared.

Were they scared? It's not like cancer's catching, but it does force us to face mortality on some level, and some people just won't go there. One person said "friends" claimed they could SMELL the cancer. (Seriously?! And you would SAY that? I'd go and make lutefisk, just so I could have a lye bath to scrub off the alleged smell.) Others have no idea how to help and freeze into inactivity, fading out of the picture.

Aren't we terribly afraid of not having all the answers? Of not knowing exactly what to do? And when we don't know, we retreat, rather than ask and try to understand? I wish our culture encouraged more vulnerability so it would be easier to say, "I care about you, but I have no idea what this is like, or what to do for you."

Of course, it's a lot less fun to hang out with someone who's not doing well. Maybe you used to go out hiking or eating or dancing, and now your partner in crime is weak and nauseous and hanging out in the chemo infusion room. We're not having much fun, either, obviously, but we really need - and appreciate - our people. You are good medicine.

My biggest need through treatment has been having someone present. I have infinite appreciation for the meals, cleaning, dog walking, gifts, etc. that an army of people have provided for me, but what I want and value the most is someone THERE: to sit with me during chemo, or to visit me at home, or go out to lunch. Having my husband drive me to and from my blood draws makes me feel spoiled and - almost - pampered.

So here's the question I want to answer: 

What should you do when someone gets cancer? 

Everyone offers help, and it's so normal to feel helpless. The person with cancer doesn't want to admit they need help because that would be admitting that Cancer has claimed some of their territory. We're pretty desperate if we actually ask for help beyond agreeing to some meals. And sometimes we don't understand that you NEED to help, probably more than we need you to help - you need something tangible to do, rather than stand helplessly by and read our CarePage update about how sick we're feeling.

Here's what I've learned:

Do what you like to do. Say something like "I want to clean/cook/drive/whatever for you. Would that help? When?"

If you like to cook, bring a meal. Ask about preferences - it might need to be mild, it might need to go in the freezer.

If you like to clean, offer to clean. And be a little forceful and specific about what you want to do. You could just do the vacuuming. Or wash their car. And try to convince them you WANT to help in this way. This might be the most refused service - if I've been sick, my house is a mess and I don't want to share that with anyone. Better secret rings in the toilet than asking someone to attack them, right?

If you like to do yard work, ask when you can come over to mow and edge. Or when you can send the kids to weed. :)

If you like to make or buy cards, don't even ask - just drop them in the mail.

If you have lots of money and no time, send a gift card for take out or groceries.

If you like to drive, offer to take them to and from appointments.

If you spend all day running around town, offer to drop off and pick up prescriptions, or run other errands.

If you're a beauty fanatic, offer to help them with makeup, wigs, scarves, etc.

If you like TV, movies or sports, offer to come over and watch with them. Emphasize no hostessing required: they answer the door and return to the couch. It's OK to be slightly, lovingly bossy.

If you love all things medical and like to research (on credible sites), ask if they need more information about anything (it's OK to bring suggestions). My group today also touched on how much you DON'T learn from the doctors and nurses ahead of time. (Disclaimer: there's an enormous mountain of information about cancer, and patients can only absorb so much each time, and we don't want to scare you unnecessarily, so we pick and choose what we tell you in the interest of absorption and relevance.) This is a tricky one - you need to have a good relationship and you need to be sensitive to the person with cancer- able to sense when they're overwhelmed. And you must stick to good, solid, well-researched information. They have plenty of people offering them one miraculous food or supplement or headstand position that will cure everything.

If you share a low-key hobby, bring your knitting over and chat, or bring them a copy of your favorite new book or video game.

If you like to talk (and your friend likes to listen to you or talk with you), take them to (or meet them at) coffee, or lunch, or chemo. Or go to their house. Ask what they want to talk about. Sometimes they will want to talk about cancer. Sometimes they will want to talk about anything BUT cancer.

If you like the same music, poems, or inspirational quotes, go and find some to share with them. One of my friends combs Pinterest for well designed quotes, and every once in awhile they pop up in my inbox, usually with no subject line. :)

If they have a blog, read it and comment once in awhile. You can make the comment private if you want. We can see who visits, and those visits and comments are infinitely encouraging.

You get the idea: use your gifts, be gently assertive, and go love your friend.

Don't be afraid - we're figuring this out as we go along, too.

P.S. In this scenario, there's also a caregiver - the spouse, parent, child - the person who is the primary support person. Don't forget them! Take them out and do something fun! Ask how they're doing and just listen - no advice, no judgment, no turning it back to you. This is a good way to find out what they might need, and you can go forth afterward and recruit help. If they don't want to leave the cancer patient, find out what the patient needs, stay there, and let the caregiver go out. In some ways, being a caregiver is harder than being the patient. They need love and support, too.

Traumatized!

First, the hair, because that's why we're here after all, right? I'm due for a haircut, just having difficulty finding a time when my skilled friends are available. Time to go back to the regular salon, I think.

Ever watched the show Bones? It's one of my favorites, but today's episode has me crying "EW!!!" and hiding my eyes.

Not because of the dead bodies.

It's the SLUGS. And the fly. The one that's growing in Hodgins' neck. EW!

I hate slugs. And they're all over the place in the Pacific Northwest. Years ago, I visited a dear friend, and when I got home and unpacked, I found a tupperware container she slipped into my luggage. Filled with slugs! Agghhh! What do you DO with such a gift?! With such a friend?! I don't remember what I did - probably took it to the outside trash. And called her and we laughed.

So in today's show, the slugs are slithering in and out of the victim's bones. Lots of them. AND THEN they're planning to put the slugs in a blender to analyze trace evidence. Proof that this is beyond gross, in spite of all the gore Bones is willing to show, they spared us the slug smoothie. Good thing - I'd probably be screaming all night long.

On top of that, the fly - the red bump on the back of Hodgins' neck - how are they going to make that emergence cool and not traumatizing?! I'm not going to make it through this unscathed.

But for sure, the team will use cool science to solve the mystery and track down the bad guy - or girl, it would seem in this case. Good wins, bad is brought to justice.

In better media news, we saw Ender's Game today. Great movie!!! Now I'm excited to read the books.

For the record, I used to re-read books just before the movie came out. Ruined the movie every time. So now I read the book after seeing the movie. It prevents me from forming my own images of the characters, which is a bummer, but it allows me to enjoy the movies and the books. Now I'm looking forward to Hunger Games.

Happy Veteran's Day, everyone!