My Favorite Christmas Song

Merry Christmas! 

I was planning to tell you about my favorite Bible story this month, because it happens to be a Christmas story, but it's 11:30 on Christmas eve and my lovely little nieces are going to be up by 7:30am, and I don't want to miss any part of their Christmas morning. Especially knowing how cool their Christmas present is (the one their parents just finished assembling). I can't wait!

Instead, I'll share my absolute favorite Christmas song with you.

Warning: I have weird taste in Christmas music. I love all the traditional carols, but one of my favorite songs is Aimee Mann's "The River," which is more about running away than celebrating Christmas. The chorus says, "I wish I had a river I could skate away on." I think skating miles on a river appeals to this Midwest girl. Another favorite is "In the Bleak Midwinter."

In contrast, "Baby, It's Cold Outside" is also on the favorites list: doesn't get much cozier than that! And I love those J-I-N-G-L-E Bells. :)

But my hands-down favorite is another somewhat melancholy one. It's also obscure - maybe because it's reflective and not very celebratory, it's not played much. It's called "Breath of Heaven" or "Mary's Song."

I like it because, years ago, the chorus resonated so deeply with me. She has four requests of Jesus:

• hold me together
• be forever near me
• lighten my darkness
• pour over me your holiness

If Mary, while she's carrying baby Jesus, after she's been visited by an angel who confirmed this crazy scenario, still feels the need for God's presence and still feels like she's falling apart, certainly it's OK if I feel like that!

I'll leave you with the lyrics, a YouTube link so you can listen, and a blessing on your Christmas Day: may you feel love and peace in abundance, whatever your circumstances and whatever your day looks like. Much love from me to you.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=TOQRtYYERGo

I have travelled many moonless nights,
Cold and weary with a babe inside,
And I wonder what I've done.
Holy Father you have come,
And chosen me now to carry your Son.
I am waiting in a silent prayer.

I am frightened by the load I bear.
In a world as cold as stone,
Must I walk this path alone?
Be with me now,
Be with me now.

Breath of Heaven,
Hold me together,
Be forever near me,
Breath of Heaven.
Breath of Heaven,
Lighten my darkness,
Pour over me your holiness,
For you are holy.
Breath of Heaven.


Do you wonder as you watch my face,
If a wiser one should have had my place,
But I offer all I am
For the mercy of your plan.
Help me be strong.
Help me be.
Help me.

Red Cup vs. Baby Jesus and other weekend tidbits

Finally! A haircut! 

I have to admit, with short hair, I'm a bit paranoid about having middle-aged-lady hair. I want youthful and funky. I think this time I came away on the wrong side of the middle-aged line... my hubby says it's better if I push it back off my forehead. Here are a few options. I have to say, I like the photos better than the mirror, even with the skeptical expressions. What do you think?

I went to the post office. On the Saturday before Christmas. There were about 30 people in line. 

Psst: The self-serve kiosks are the bomb! You can do almost everything there, the line is always shorter, and you don't have to deal with the cranky postal employee at the counter. Then again, maybe I don't want to let you in on this secret, because then my short cut line will be longer...

So - the Red Cup. You know, the Starbucks one that everyone posts on Facebook on November 1st. I got one this weekend:

As someone who spent many years of my life developing and promoting brands, I appreciate Starbucks' innovation and extremely effective brand. But, as someone who doesn't like coffee in any form (not even mocha chip ice cream - really), I don't get the mystique of the red cup. It's just red. What if we were that excited about Baby Jesus? After all, if we weren't celebrating his birthday, we wouldn't have this season and the red cup that comes with it. Just saying...

Other random tidbits from this weekend:

1. I finally opened a box I packed in March. Back then, I was at my annual scrapbooking/crafting weekend with my bffs, and I was making sets of cards to give as Christmas gifts. And THIS year I was going to be done with all my Christmas gifts before Halloween. Well... good intentions, anyway. This weekend is all about finishing those cards. It's crunch time, but I'm having a ball! It's been too long since I've played with paper and glue. Here's a sneak peak. The owls in the canoe make me giggle.

2. Because I was immersed in making cards, I completely forgot about my cancer support group Christmas meeting. Thankfully, one of them texted me to find out where I was. A change of clothes, a powdered nose, and a bowl of clementines later, I was on my way. I love this group - all Christian women, so we process the cancer experience through the filter of a loving, all-powerful God, and the group is a positive, encouraging experience. There are a few who have chosen to focus on naturopathic medicine after their initial traditional treatment. We talked about that a lot this time (well, pretty much every time), so I felt a little strange making this grocery purchase immediately afterward:

Not all for me, I must add! It's a movie-themed gift, a treat for my husband (his request), and my crafting beverage.

3. While making cards, I'm listening to Christmas music. Specifically, a group called The Three Wisemen. They're a local band and include Timothy James Meany; if you were up on contemporary Christian music two or three decades ago, you probably recognize his name. Last year they played at the Christmas dinner I attend every year with a couple friends, and I was hooked. They have beautiful versions of Lo, How A Rose E're Blooming and I Saw Three Ships - I finally know the words and they're lovely! Check them out on TheThreeWisemen.com or iTunes. 

4. I had Facetime calls with my brother and sister, a traditional call with another sister, all to discuss my Christmas trip to see them. In addition to Christmas, I think there will be Mexican dinners, broomball, and a Sunday Suppers cooking demo. All overshadowed by spending time with my adorable little nieces and nephews. :) And revealing my super-awesome, creative, budget-friendly, sentimental Christmas gift for my family! Can't wait!

5. I also wrestled with my physical therapy. Thanks to cancer, my body is rapidly falling apart. I'm trying not to be grouchy about it, but I'm often unsuccessful. As a result of all the treatments, I have almost 20 PT exercises to stretch or strengthen my beaten body. TWENTY. My compliance is negligible. So I made myself a checklist and divided the list in half. Maybe with gold stars and a lighter load each day, I will actually DO these exercises consistently. You gotta fight hard to regain what's been lost!

And now, I have red potatoes in the crock pot for dinner. It's made a couple strange clicky noises, so I'd better check it out. My husband keeps thinking there's roast beast in the pot, even though I keep saying POTATOES. He might be disappointed when I hand him his dish! Oh well, his health will thank me.

PS He loved the potatoes! If you want to try it, it's just a bit of olive oil, spices, and chunks of potatoes on high for a couple hours.

Putting Some Shine in the Season

My still-uncut hair. Gotta pick up that phone and call the stylist one of these days.

BUT it's thinning!!! Boo hoo!!! The doctor said neither of my current chemo drugs would cause hair loss. However, alopecia (fancy term for hair loss) is listed as a side effect for both drugs, and my hair is definitely thinner than it was. At least I started out with pretty thick hair. At this point, I'm hoping I can make it to the end of chemo without having to go back to baldness. Too bad my armpit hair isn't falling out...

In other news...

This might be stating the obvious, but the longer this cancer battle becomes, the harder it is. I'll be honest - today was pretty rotten.

Not because I'm feeling bad physically. I actually walked my dog for 30 minutes today and did some yoga without feeling worn out! This isn't a fitness issue, it's a fatigue thing, which I struggle with accepting because I question whether it's laziness rather than my body betraying me. I'm actually stronger and more flexible than I was several months ago. But I run out of gas too early in the day if I don't pace myself carefully. Cancer fatigue is real - scientifically documented and all that - but that doesn't make it any easier to embrace.

These days, I just feel like I'm falling short in just about every area. Fatigue or not, it seems like I should have things more together.

In an attempt to shake off my funk today, I thought I'd share a few of my favorite Christmas ornaments. You know, spread some Christmas warmth and fuzziness. This is our first year with an artificial tree. I fought it for years, but I LOVE it! No gross water, no worries about it drying out, no needles dropping off, no stringing-of-lights. And it can be up for weeks and weeks! Here's the big-picture view:

Mine is a rustic, hodge-podge tree. No coordinated theme for me! We've got beautiful glass balls right alongside homemade creations and some wacky gift ornaments that came from people I cherish, so they stay, even though they're strange (example: a purple winged creature... horse? dog? dragon? I'm not quite sure).

This first ornament is a little tricky to place because it's so heavy! The photo is from our first Christmas, when we were had fewer years, fewer pounds, and more hair. Still, I think we look better now.

I love the rustic sweetness of the next one. It's painted clay and I bought several for gifts at a craft fair years ago. I had to keep two of them for myself. :)

This one I have to hang where Mike doesn't see it often. It's wacky - I don't know where that blue hair came from! The hair used to be styled well, but I like the unruliness that has come with the passing years. It reminds me of my grandma (because I think it came from her, not because it LOOKS like her!). And it's comforting to have an angel that isn't all pristine white and perfectly coiffed.

This one reminds me of my super crafty auntie. It's so delicate, with its dried flowers and crocheted heart shape, but it has been amazingly durable... I'm sure it's over 20 years old!

This one comes from a set of clay ornaments I made when we were newly married and very poor. They're commonly on my list of ornaments to retire, but each year when I unwrap them, I think they're pretty cool all over again, so they stay.

Ah, this sweet little Scandinavian cutie! I love her. She's a nod to my heritage, surviving the purge of several Ikea ornaments a few years ago.

I should ask my parents why they chose this ornament for me. I was certainly no angel when I was small. Wishful thinking, perhaps. ;)

This star is part of a set of crystal ornaments we received from neighbors. Our original neighbors rented out their home, much to our relief since we had some issues with the owners. The renters were a lovely older couple with whom we developed a close relationship. She gave us this set one Christmas. Since then, they moved away and she died. I like this annual reminder of their big hearts and our friendship.

I have a few ornaments like this Santa that my grandma made for me. She passed away several years ago, and I still miss her. Last night I had a dream that I was able to sit by her bedside and talk to her one more time - it was so real! And I'm missing her afresh today.

Finally, a new treasure, given to me last night by a dear friend's mom.

It's glittery and sparkly, and the sentiment is my wish for myself - and all of us - for this busy season and always. May God's peace find a resting place in our hearts. And make us sparkle.