Rising Up and Blessing

It's Mother's Day, and I'm going to join the rest of the world in celebrating my mom.

[Please forgive the quality of this photo. I love it because it captures my mom's happiness so well. And it's in one of her favorite restaurants, which has some of the best chocolate cake in the city.]

I'm standing while I write this. 

Why?

Because my mom occasionally references this Bible verse:

"Her children rise up and bless her." 
That's Proverbs 31:28a, from a section titled "The Virtuous Woman."

So, Mom, here I am, standing up and blessing you. Because you've earned it and because I love our story of struggle and restoration; a story that would have ended so differently without God's grace.

Let me tell you why my mom is amazing.
[Note: this is all from my perspective... and the early childhood stories may be more legend than fact. But this is my story, and the happy ending is 100% true.]

1) I wasn't easy to love when she came on the scene, but she decided to love me anyway.
You see, I was four. My other mom died when I was three. I spent a lot of time with my grandparents in between moms. My grandparents were all godly men and women, but I bet they gave a lot of leeway to the little girls who lost their mom so early in life. My new mom missed out on the sweet, helpless baby me; she met me at the strong-willed, somewhat spoiled, pre-schooler stage. But I never, ever, remember hearing the term step-daughter. I don't think it was even a concept at our house, because I never remember thinking of her as my step-mom.

2) She gave up a great career as a teacher to be a stay-at-home mom for me and my sister - and later, two other siblings.
I believe her initial theory was, "If I can handle a roomful of fourth graders, a two-year-old and a four-year-old should be easy enough." Well... let's just say it was NOT an even exchange. Especially when I was clearly upset about sharing my dad... I did charming things like try to push them apart when they hugged.

3) She never gave up.
Clearly, we did not have an easy start. And it took us decades to learn to understand and enjoy each other. But, in the meantime, she worked really hard to raise me into a decent human being. I made her work for it, too (did I mention a strong will?). I wasn't a bad kid by most standards, but I wasn't very communicative at home. When I was in trouble, my tactic was to listen silently and then disappear to my room. Mom's tactic was to explain the issue until I responded with understanding. As you can guess, no one was a winner, and I can't even imagine how exhausting those encounters were for her. I think most women would have caved in and stopped fighting for correction, response, and relationship, but if she ever forfeited on an issue, I don't know about it.

4) She cared a lot more than I thought she did.
Often in the car, after some difficult encounter between us, I'd hear her mouth make a clicking noise. I always thought it was disapproval. Until one day I made that sound - because I was trying really hard not to burst into tears. Boy, did that open my eyes!

5) She made church and camp a priority.
With four kids and one income, we didn't have much extra money. But we always got to go to camp for a week or two in the summer, plus spring and fall retreats. We went to church every Sunday, and our parents drove us to and from youth group every Wednesday. And when I wanted to do Bible quizzing (sounds dorky, but it was so much fun!), they drove the extra trips for that, too. This ended up being critical for me, because church and especially camp were pivotal in mending the broken parts in me. And it probably provided some needed respite at home!

6) Her counsel is always Biblical.
When I was displaying unacceptable behaviors (like lying, for example), she had me research what the Bible had to say about the topic. Which I did with a terrible attitude, but, "bad-itude" or not, I learned Biblical truths that undoubtedly shaped my thinking in spite of myself. Today, she's a valuable resource for me when I am wrestling with a problem, and I've applied many of her thoughts and ideas, particularly in situations with the teens I work with at church.

7) She was willing to keep working on our relationship.
After high school graduation, I ran away in the most respectable way by leaving the country to go to college (actually, it's "university" in Canada - a very important distinction there!). It took another ten years or so before we started to find comfortable ground, but I never sensed that she held anything against me. At one point, my husband and I took a trial run at moving back to Minnesota. We ended up back in Seattle, but the biggest gift of that six months was having the time to build a new relationship with my mom.

8) She's an amazing woman.
I'm so thankful she didn't give into frustration and give up on creating a healthy relationship with me. That took a strength of will that is incomprehensible - a God-given endurance, no doubt. I think there's a longing built into all of us for a strong, positive friendship with our mom. I think that's why the messages we get from our moms are so influential. Over the years, God worked in both our hearts, teaching us to forgive, refining us, and changing our outlook from adversarial to harmonious. And now... now is beautiful. Now I can see a woman who loves and follows God, overcomes challenges, encourages others, gives wise counsel, and brings great joy to my life. We still have long talks, but now they're two-way conversations that I look forward to because they are uplifting and one of my great delights.

Mom, may you be greatly blessed, because you are a blessing to so many, including me. I love you. Happy Mother's Day.