PollyAnna Weighs In on the Election

A long overdue cancer update:

Last month I had a CT scan that showed the Lynparza is working! Of the three areas seen on the last scan, one was "no longer detectable" and the other two were "significantly decreased." Hurrah!!! That was a huge answer to prayer, especially after stopping the Lynparza for a couple weeks and then starting again at a lower dose.

The lower dose has been good to me - most of my side effects are gone. Mostly just nausea here and there, and wildly unpredictable fatigue. Like Sunday I was exhausted before I got in the shower, but today I endured an excruciatingly long commute (wasn't everyone supposed to be heading NORTH???), worked overtime, and then walked the dogs, with energy to spare. My blood counts stabilized, too. So thank you for your prayers for me!

I received a call from the pharmacist at the drug company (they touch base with everyone taking this med). She reassured me that they've seen great results even when people reduce their dose. Love that kind of news!

Meanwhile, I'm weighing my options for my medical oncologist. She's supposed to be the quarterback of my treatment team. I chose her after my beloved doctor moved because she has a lot of experience and she's a lovely person. But at our last appointment, she asked me when I wanted to come back for blood draws and to see her. And when I asked about the next scan, she said, "Let's wait and see how things go." Ummm... I am not the quarterback, here, nor do I want to be. Ugh. You are more than welcome to join me in praying for wisdom and direction on that topic!

OK: Now a word about the election.

(Are you rolling your eyes? If you are, that's OK. I'm rolling mine, too. Because there have been So Many words already today. Everything has probably been said a million different ways, so me throwing in my two cents feels a little obnoxious. But I'm doing it anyway: free speech and all of that. And we also have the right to listen or not, so I promise not to be offended if you skip right over this.)

First, a disclaimer. I'm pretty "apolitical" in the sense that politics are usually as far on my periphery as possible. I think politics are mostly a big tangled mess with a little truth buried in there somewhere, and it's not a mess I want to invest any energy into untangling. Is that irresponsible of me? Probably, but I'm over 40 and a cancer survivor, so I've entered that sweet phase in life where I own who I am, flaws and all, even if it's a little embarrassing to admit sometimes.

Alright. 

I HATE election season. (Can you call something a season when it lasts a hundred years??) This election has been especially long. It's been like watching a train wreck in slow motion. Are these candidates REALLY the best we can do?? 

There are some things of value in both platforms. And things of great concern. Many issues are important, but some are deal breakers for me, so that usually makes my decision easy. But this year! Does either candidate have integrity? Are they honest and trustworthy? Do they treat everyone with love and respect, regardless of whether or not they agree? If someone is worthy of leading our country, they should have a strong, consistent, moral character in addition to a good platform.

I know, I know, it's politics, so those are pretty unrealistic expectations. And when Bill Clinton was in office, our country made a pretty strong statement about not caring about our leaders' morality. But still, is it really so hard to find an upstanding citizen??

Because I was so dismayed by our two main choices, I chose to vote for a third party. Some may say I threw away my vote. Maybe. But one candidate doesn't line up with my deal-breaker issues, and the other... there are just so many concerns, I just couldn't do it. So I voted against both main candidates, hoping my third party vote would speak to the need for change and someone different next time.

Being somewhat neutral, knowing "my" candidate was a loooong shot, and believing no result would be a win for America, the election was fascinating. If you take the emotion out of it, it was amazing to watch the votes roll in and see so many states be pretty evenly split. My husband and I watched, on the edge of our seats, with our eyes wide and our mouths hanging open as the numbers turned in Trump's favor. Totally unexpected. (We tuned into BBC's coverage, which was a refreshingly neutral presentation. No drama, no partisan comments, just the data.)

So now what?

I'm not triumphant like some. I'm not in mourning like others. I'm at peace. 

Why???

I have a friend who loves history and politics. Someday I hope he pursues his dream to become a teacher, because he'll make those classes really interesting. He watches war movies all day on holidays like Memorial Day and Veteran's Day. (Sounds like torture to me, but I really respect his way of honoring and remembering our history. Actually, HE would be a great candidate...) He says the political pendulum swings one way and then the other, self-correcting in a sense.

Trump is one guy, in a system with a lot of checks and balances, for four years. Which sounds long now, but in the grand scheme of time, even just in the life of our country, that's not too long. I'm irrationally optimistic that Trump might rise to the occasion. Did he ever expect to get here?? I doubt it. I wonder if he was trying to throw the election by being such a jerk. Maybe now he'll apply some filters and stop offending pretty much everyone. (I said irrationally optimistic.) I am very curious about what a businessman will do as president. I've thought for a long time that our country could benefit from a business mindset, rather than a political one. We shall see...

But WAY more than that, I'm at peace because my hope is not in who our president is for the next four years. My hope is in God, who is sovereign over all leaders, over all time. I trust in a long-range plan that spans millennia and has at the heart of it love, justice, and a desire to redeem everyone and everything.

So what am I going to do now?

I'm going to respect Trump as POTUS. (Wow, doesn't that whole sentence sound weird and difficult!)

I'm going to pray more consistently for our leaders and our nation.

I'm going to continue to act justly, love mercy, and walk humbly with my God.

I'm going to continue to love and respect people and seek to listen and understand them, regardless of whether or not I agree with them.

And I'm going to end with something adorable, because aren't we in need of some fluff???

 My dogs, taking a rare break at doggy daycare a couple years ago. PC Scampers DayCamp

My nephew, when he was new. This tops the adorable chart, doesn't it?? PC - not sure, but not me

A Prayer for Your Struggle

Right now, I'm sitting in my warm, cozy family room. All the lights are on and my printer is churning out a document for my cancer support group in the morning. This is all significant because WE HAVE POWER. "Stormageddon" (or whatever catchy, exaggerated title the media have assigned to this incoming Storm of the Century) has not materialized yet. We shall see what tomorrow holds, but I'm a storm skeptic. Too much crying wolf in this neck of the woods.

Stormy walk today. Windy, but rain free.

Cancer Update:

It's been a good couple weeks on the cancer front! 

My blood counts continued to climb while I was off Lynparza. My oncologist talked to the ovarian cancer specialist downtown, who was unconcerned about the dramatic drop in my counts and recommended starting again at six pills (instead of the four my oncologist was thinking). I was going to lobby for starting at six and seeing how it went, but the expert saved me the effort. Yay!

(Why am I not seeing the expert downtown? Because she's a phone call away and because it's a lot easier to walk across my hospital on my lunch hour for a blood draw or an appointment. To see the expert, I'd have to take half a day to schlepp downtown in unpredictable traffic. And pay more, too.)

AND THEN - after a week of starting back on the Lynparza, my counts went UP! Another pleasant surprise, which I'm sure is due to all of your prayers. Especially the kids' prayers - I'm constantly humbled by the amount of people praying for me, but when I hear that the kids, many of whom are now young teens, are reminding their parents to pray for me DAILY - well, wow. I'm speechless. Words fail me in expressing what that means to me.

In Other News:

This week, I've been cultivating a prayer session for our cancer support group. We tried this last year and it went really well, so we're doing it again. But we wanted original material and I had no ideas, so I started by reviewing what we did last year.

Do you ever revisit something you did awhile ago, and not recognize it? When I dug this out, I didn't remember any of it, but I was pleasantly surprised! 

And then I was intimidated about doing anything else! So I did what we all do when we're lacking ideas in this culture:

Search Pinterest and Google!

Uff da. There are a LOT of super cheesy and supremely lame results when you google things like "cancer prayers."

But I did find this gem, which I absolutely LOVE:

PC: https://upliftingquotesandscriptures.files.wordpress.com/2015/09/steady-my-heart.jpg

"Even when it hurts, even when it's hard, even when it all just falls apart, I will run to You cause I know You are lover of my soul and healer of my scars. You steady my heart."

Tonight I'll share with you what we did last year. It's written specifically for cancer, but it applies to all types of suffering, so I hope it will soothe the hurting parts in your soul, whatever you're going through right now.

(And, since this is my blog, please excuse me while I climb up on my soapbox for a minute: for some reason, our culture puts cancer up on a suffering pedestal. Now, some cancers are really, really awful. But in many cases there are way worse medical diagnoses. And in life, there are lots of non-medical heartbreaks and trials. So let's not put our energy into comparisons, but instead love and encourage each other through our respective challenges.)

All right - here you go. 

The idea is to read each section, then personally reflect and pray on that topic. Modify it for your situation. 

If you think it requires more trust and faith than you have, that's OK - one of my favorite things about Christianity is that God wants you now, right where you're at: broken, messy, imperfect, even mad or confused. He's strong enough to take it and wise enough to guide you from broken to mended. Doubt is OK. We just have to be real and genuinely seek answers.

Prayer Exercise:

Jesus taught us: “Ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you. For everyone who asks, receives; and he who seeks, finds; and to him who knocks, it will be opened.” Luke 11:9-10

Today, we open our hearts. We bring our hopes, our fears, our burdens. We entrust them to You and to each other. We accept Your invitation and your promise in Matthew 11:28 to “Come to Me, all who are weary and heavy laden, and I will give you rest.” 

“Bear one another’s burdens, and thus fulfill the law of Christ.” Galatians 6:2

Topic #1: Father, we don’t want to waste our cancer. Please help us use this experience to boldly tell others about You, to live more intentionally, to love our people better. We want to leverage this trial to cultivate harmony and healing in our relationships. Teach us to focus on You rather than our struggles, and deepen our spiritual roots.

“Answer me, O Lord, answer me; 

that this people may know that you, O Lord, are God.” 

I Kings 18:37 (Elijah on Mt Carmel)

Topic #2: God, we know You will heal us, either here on earth, or in heaven. We ask you to heal us in a way that clearly glorifies You. And if we have to wait for healing, we ask You to bless us while we wait with Your peace that passes understanding. Help us gain an eternal perspective and anticipate heaven. We want to invest in things of lasting value and leave a meaningful legacy for the people we love.

“Beloved, I pray that in all respects you may prosper 

and be in good health, just as your soul prospers.” 

3 John 1:2

“I know that You can do all things, 

and no purpose of Yours can be thwarted.” Job 42:2

Topic #3: Lord, we trust You, but cancer raises scary questions and difficult feelings. Please remind us of Your love and Your promises. Please comfort us when we are frightened. Please give us safe places and safe people with whom we can process these hard feelings. Please help us as we grieve for the things cancer takes from us. Grant us rest and relief from the physical challenges. Thank You for walking every step of these difficult times with us.

“The Lord is good, a stronghold in the day of trouble, 

and He knows those who take refuge in Him.” Nahum 1:7

“You have taken account of my wanderings; put my tears in 

Your bottle. Are they not in Your book?” Psalm 56:8

Topic #4: Father, as we live with cancer, we often find ourselves at the end of our rope. But You promise to supply all our needs. Please show us Your unfailing love and encourage us by providing what we need at exactly the right time. Give us strength, energy, and patience when we are weak. Fill our dark places with peace and joy. Give us what we need to fulfill our financial obligations. Provide wisdom and clarity to us, our doctors, and our people when we have important decisions to make.

“But as for me, I will watch expectantly for the Lord, I will wait

for the God of my salvation. My God will hear me.” Micah 7:7

Topic #5: God, we acknowledge that You are sovereign over everything, including our cancer. We declare our decision to trust You, regardless of our fears, disappointments, and other feelings. Please help us see Your purpose for our cancer and help us live in a way that glorifies You.

“The Lord will fight for you, you need only be still.” Exodus 14:14

Benediction:

“We thank our God always, making mention of you in our prayers, because we hear of your love and of the faith you have toward the Lord Jesus.” Philemon 1:4-5

“The Lord bless you and keep you. The Lord make His face shine upon you and be gracious to you. The Lord lift up His countenance upon you and give you peace.” Numbers 6:24-26