Honestly, I’m not sure how to answer that!
Physically, for going through chemo, pretty good.
Physically, for feeling like a normal person, usually far from it.
I don’t have a lot of the usual chemo problems, like aches or nausea, and I’m really thankful about that! My mouth does taste like I’ve been eating rotten eggs about half the time. Blech. But my appetite is fine and things taste like they should.
I do have a lot of fatigue. Somedays, it’s not bad and I can stay pretty busy. Other days, I need to sit down and rest while I’m getting ready in the morning (who knew a shower was so exhausting?! It’s ridiculous and lame, but it’s real). After chemo, I usually have one day when I sleep most of the day. Every day I debate over whether I’m doing too much or resting too much. I usually err on the side of resting too much. I figure I should ease up and let my body rest and heal. But there’s definitely some fear in there, too, about doing too much, hitting a wall, and having to keep going anyway, which is a challenge.
And there’s my hair. It’s only supposed to thin. But when I wash it and brush it, I lose a LOT of hair. Being bald didn’t bother me before, and I really liked having short hair, but seeing all that hair in the shower freaks me out. Still, I don’t have any bald spots or anything, so I don’t think it will all fall out…
The biggest problem I’m having is one I can’t feel. My poor bone marrow is so tired, and the chemo is really giving it a beating. Friday I had another red blood cell transfusion (those are the oxygen carrying cells, so that accounts for some of my fatigue). I am getting shots each cycle to boost my white blood cells (immune system). Sometimes those shots don’t affect me, sometimes they make me ache like I have the flu. And, of course, my platelets. I could tell you were all praying for me because before chemo last week, my platelets were 186K! That’s well in the normal range and I don’t think my platelets were that high even before I got cancer. Plus that was a big jump in a small amount of time. Friday, about ten days later, they’re at 61. I’ll hit the low point on Tuesday and may need another platelet transfusion. There's no rhyme or reason to how the numbers rise and fall, so we can't predict anything, just draw blood and see. I am TIRED of blood draws (but, truly, that's me being whiny because it's not that bad and there's much to be grateful for).
On the other hand, emotionally and spiritually I’m doing just fine.
I’ve decided to read though the book of Psalms each month for awhile. Since that’s all about struggle, refuge, and deliverance, it’s keeping my focus in the right place.
This time off from work has been a gift. It has coincided with a few unexpected demands from other areas in my life, allowing me to devote time and energy that I couldn’t if I were working.
I really like my new doctor. Last week we had to do some strategizing about my blood counts and how to monitor and manage Them, particularly since I have a friend in town this weekend and I want to minimize any medical concerns and feel my best while she’s here. She did a great job of outlining the options and making a decision with me. Hurrah!
Mike is an absolute gem. He has a great sense for when I am getting to the end of my energy and is so sweet about taking over for me at the right time.
Up next for us: blood draw on Monday to see if I need shots or transfusions. Possibly having my “port” replaced on Wednesday (it’s an under-the-skin easy access to my veins; I’ve had this one for four years and it’s getting temperamental). And chemo - cycle three! - on April 4th, assuming my blood counts are substantial enough - so please keep praying for that!
Have a great week, everyone.
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