Random Acts of Kindness FAIL

Hello everyone.

First, a cancer update:

On Tuesday morning, I went to the clinic for an unscheduled visit. I'd been having pain all around my waist for a couple days, and Monday night it got worse and I was also nauseous and couldn’t keep anything down. Needless to say, I was pretty miserable. 

We spent a good chunk of Tuesday at the clinic. They gave me three kinds of IV anti-nausea meds, three doses of IV pain meds, and 1.5 liters of fluids. Plus lots of TLC and a nap. (If you're interested in the meds: zofran, dexamethasone, ativan, and dilaudid - so I had some energy from the steroid when I got home - hurrah! - and a good sleep thanks to the ativan and dilaudid.) 

I left feeling a WHOLE lot better - like a new person!

But without any answers.

We aren't sure what caused the pain and nausea. Pain could be anything from soreness due to the immune-boosting shots I got over the weekend to cancer growth. Either way, it was certainly made worse by all the vomiting! The nausea is a bit of a mystery... perhaps just an out-of-whack system that couldn't self-correct.

Next step is a CT scan on Thursday morning at 8:30am, which will tell us more. We'd been debating on whether to scan after the second or third cycle of chemo, and this helped us make the call. (I just finished the second cycle.) The results should be available sometime Friday, and then we'll make a game plan based on the scan results.

Thank you so much for your prayers!!! 

Please keep them coming, especially that the results of the CT scan will show the cancer has shrunk dramatically and the pain is unrelated. As always, pray for my blood counts to recover.

Please pray for Mike, too. He has been a champ, trying to keep me comfortable, getting up with me throughout the night when I was sick, and just being sweet and understanding. He gave up both of his days off this week to sit at the hospital with me. Today, he’s called me from work three or four times for “proof of life,” making sure I’m OK. For the first time in my life, I’m using narcotics for pain outside the hospital, so I’m JUST FINE!  haha.

Second, some entertainment:

Several years ago, one of my closest childhood friends declared her birthday Random Acts of Kindness Day, and asked all her friends to help her celebrate her birthday by doing a random act of kindness. What a beautiful and amazing idea, right? I love it, and she has done it every year since.

As usual, I planned to participate. I wasn’t sure how, but kindness shouldn’t be too hard, right?

Well, I pretty much failed. Crashed and burned, actually.

My day started with yet another blood draw at the hospital. I arrived on time, and was entertained during my wait by a woman in the waiting room who was all decked out for St Patrick’s Day (a week late). She was about 80, in a wheelchair, sitting near a man who was a bit younger. He was going to read a magazine, but she said he should talk to her instead. He agreed and she told stories of her dating days and then they compared notes on whiskey and mixed drinks.

The nurse came out to get me, said a warm hello to the lady, and then said to her, “I’m going to get my friend [me] first, then I’ll come and get you, OK?” Which we all immediately realized sounded absolutely horrible and wasn’t what she really meant. This nurse is outstanding and fun and sweet, so I don’t think any harm was done.

During my blood draw, we were discussing the Acts of Kindness assignment. I was hoping she’d give me a brilliant idea, but we didn’t come up with anything. Instead, she jokingly concluded that since I am kind most of the time, perhaps I should do a random act of UNkindness. 

After we were done, I walked away, but after about two steps, I saw the lady in the waiting room, turned around and went back to the nurse. I realized my Act of Kindness SHOULD have been to insist that the lady have her blood draw before me. So we had a regretful chuckle over that.

Oh well. Can the after thought count???

I had to stay for a blood transfusion, so I was a more than a little grumpy because my friend from out of town had arrived and I wanted to get on with my weekend, not spend another couple hours in the infusion chair. Grr.

Still, in spite of the grumpiness, I was kind throughout the transfusion, just not in a random, unusual way.

On my drive home, I decided to practice one not-really-random, not-really-kind act of kindness:

I decided to completely stop at all the stop signs and make sure the correct person went first.

(To my Mom and any law enforcement peeps, please skip ahead a few paragraphs.)

Let me explain. I am not very literal about stop signs. On Friday, I realized that, at a four-way stop with other cars, I usually do the most efficient thing, not the most polite thing. For example, if you’re next and opposite me, and you’re going straight and I’m turning right, I’m just going to move into that right turn because I know I’m not getting in your way, and then everyone can move through the intersection more quickly. Very considerate, right?

I also get a little agitated when everyone just SITS there, wondering who should go first, so I “volunteer” to take action first in those cases.

But on Friday I stopped and patiently waited my turn. Even waited for others to go first. It felt leisurely and kind of good.

I acknowledge this is a completely lame act of kindness. But I learned something, so I figure it had some value.

Now, my friend had been waiting downtown for a couple hours, so I flew into the house, gathered a few things, and joked that my Random Act of UNkindness was asking Mike to drive me downtown to meet my friend on Friday afternoon, in rush hour traffic BOTH WAYS. He was very gracious about the whole thing, even when he was pointing out my uncharacteristically unkind thoughts and actions while we were driving. Nothing big, just little things that were unusual for me and kinda funny because I was still searching for my act of kindness.

I never did come up with a good random act of kindness that day. But I was mostly kind in my general way, in spite of my mid-day grumpiness. Still, I’d give myself a D- for the day. Humbling!

May your days - and intersections - be full of kindness this week!

I’ll update over the weekend, after I get those scan results. Today, I found a great verse for facing my anxiety-generating CT scans: Psalm 112:7 says “She will not fear evil tidings; her heart is steadfast, trusting in the Lord.” With God’s help, I won’t fear bad news… a very tall order! One I cannot do on my own. Thank you for your prayers!!!